I know I have written about this before, but since writing provides cathartic release for me I am doing so again. Please bear with me as I do so.
When we moved to Guatemala to do this ministry I was prepared for a lot of things. I was prepared for struggles with language and culture. I was prepared for long hours and short nights. I was prepared for pee, poop and drool and long battles with Guatemalan bureaucracy (which feels and smells a lot like pee, poop and drool). I was prepared for traffic jams and crowded stores. I was even, to some degree, prepared for death, because I knew we would have to face it eventually. But there is one thing that caught me totally be surprise and, as I look back now, I wonder how I could have missed preparing for it. Yet I was totally blindsided by…
Decisions
On a daily basis I am faced with so many decisions. A call comes in requesting help with medicine, doctor, formula, food, etc. Should we help or not? A child in our home has a cough. Do we call the doctor or wait and see? A child’s brace is broken. Do we try to repair it or is it time to cast him for new ones? A family is not doing their part to care for a child while asking us to do more. Do we continue support, increase support or threaten to cut if off? (Knowing, of course, that it is the child that will suffer.)
So many decisions have to be made every day. And, for the most part, I have adjusted to making them and do so with prayer and semi-confidence. But occasionally I am faced with a decision that leaves me overwhelmed and paralyzed. Two days ago I found myself faced with such a decision and I still have not been able to choose. It kept me awake last night.
This was actually not the first time that I had met Humberto. Little Olimpia came to us from Casa Jackson, and while we were there picking her up they asked if I would come meet another child. They took me upstairs and introduced me to him and asked if we could take him. At that point we were full, so I told them no. On Wednesday they came to ask us again.
Whenever I post these kinds of stories I usually receive a barrage of well-meaning advise telling me to take the child. They tell me to trust God and receive him or her into our loving family. And I understand their point. But it is not that easy. Whenever we are making a decision regarding accepting a child, we are faced with several considerations:
Financial – The average initial cost of bringing a child into our home is around $800.00. The initial appointments with specialists, blood work, EEG, MRI and X-rays add up quickly. Plus, we are impacted on a monthly basis as well with the cost of more diapers, formula, medicine, therapy, food, etc. While we work hard to not allow finances to play a large role in our decisions, they have to play some role. The children we already have need ongoing care and we cannot jeopardize them.
Staffing – Each additional child requires an increase in man hours. Feeding, changing, providing stretches and exercises, stimulation and the simple providing of one-on-one love requires time. Can we provide all that for another child while continuing to provide it for the existing children?
Family Environment – The way our home operates now is we have staff in our home to assist with the care of the children from 8 am until 5 pm on Monday through Friday. But the Fulp family assumes full responsibility for caring for the children in the evening and weekends. We do that because we want the children to be a part of a family, not a number in an institution. Can we add another child while still providing the family atmosphere?
Space – God has blessed us with a large home, but all of the handicapped accessible areas are almost completely filled. Can we squeeze in another crib/bed?
Numbers – Since opening our home in August 2013 we have said yes to 13 children. (Two are now with Jesus and one is still waiting for a very slow court system to transfer him to our home.) During that same period we have said no to around 120 children. Why? Because we cannot say yes to them all. Otherwise we simply become another overcrowded institution instead of a loving family. The needs of Guatemala are overwhelming and we cannot meet them all. That is just a reality of this life and ministry.
Which brings me back to Humberto who was sitting in my home on Wednesday in desperate need of a family. Casa Jackson is feeding, bathing and clothing him, but they do not have the staff or means to provide him with the attention, stimulation and therapy he desperately needs. Can we say yes and increase our home to 12 children without hurting the 11 that are already here? Is that Jesus in the form of a child that we are considering sending away? What do we say? Yes or no?
And the answer is this: I am a foolish and fallen man who does not know. So, last night I lay in bed thinking, fretting and praying. And today I continue to think, fret and pray.
So, for now, would you pray for us and for little Humberto? Please pray that God would make it clear whether he is to be our child or not. Thanks.
Also, please pray for others to join us and open additional homes like this one. Our goal is to one day have 10 such homes, but that can only become reality if we have more people and resources. Are you passionate for children with special needs? Prayerfully consider joining us.
Blessings from Guate!
Daryl, Wanda and the Crew
