Overwhelmed

If I had to come up with one word to describe my life right now it would be a difficult task. There are a lot of descriptive words that could be employed. Excited, inspired, blessed, and busy are just a few that would work. But none of them would assume the top position.

The one word that would probably describe my life right now is “overwhelmed.” I feel absolutely overwhelmed with the vision of our expanding ministry.

Needing a change of location this afternoon, I grabbed my laptop and left my basement office to experience life above-ground at a local Tim Hortons. For the last two hours I have been sitting here working on a brochure to describe our new ministries in Guatemala. And as I have typed, the magnitude of the task ahead has hit me hard. A group home for children with special needs, a ministry to rural villages, and a pastor training program…any one of these alone seems like an overwhelming task, even with healthy funding. But in three months our family will be leaving the United States, moving to Guatemala, and tackling all three with a shortage of funds. So, I am feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipped, and way under-qualified.

As I think about it, though, those feelings have been present with me through most of my life with Jesus. I remember feeling that way through every major step I have taken in my adult life. I recall accepting my first ministry position in North Carolina right after graduation from college. My young bride and I packed up our PA apartment and headed south. And I felt overwhelmed.

In 1990, we packed-up again, this time with a 3 month old daughter, and headed for a strange and distant land…Ohio. There we started a youth group as I was, once again, overwhelmed and under-qualified.

In 1995 we moved to Greenville, OH to start anew with another youth group. This time we had three daughters in-tow and were taking a $5000 a year pay-cut. Our first youth group meeting had five teens and I, once again, felt overwhelmed.

In 1999 we moved to Troy to start a church. Wanda and I sat in a circle with three other couples and dreamed about the future. And I wondered how on earth we would ever see that dream become reality. Overwhelmed again.

In 2006 we left that church to begin a communications ministry with The Shepherd’s Crook, and I felt overwhelmed. In 2008 I was laid off from that position and called by God to start Hope for Home Ministries. Can you guess how I was feeling? I think you get the idea.

So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I once again feel overwhelmed as we take our biggest step of faith ever. In fact, I would be surprise and a little worried if I didn’t. If I were a little more aware I would probably feel that way more often and much more strongly.

I think God calls His people to do God-sized tasks. Any idiot can do a human-sized task because we are all human-sized. But God asks us to do the impossible and to trust in Him to provide the necessary miracles. He did that repeatedly in scripture. He did it with Abraham, Moses, Joshua, David, Noah, Gideon, Mary, and Peter. And I believe every single one of them wrestled with being overwhelmed. That is probably why God had to repeatedly remind them of his promises and faithfulness.

So, I will go back to work on my brochure that describes a God-sized ministry. And, as I do, I will remind myself that it doesn’t depend on human-sized Daryl.

Downhere – Here I Am

Moving…and Getting Our Feet Wet

Over the last 11 months we have been waiting for our house to sell. This has been a difficult wait as our hearts are in Guatemala while we have felt trapped here by a lousy housing market. However, throughout this wait we have been regularly reminded by the Lord that we are not really trapped, we are just waiting on His timing. Our assumption has been that when the timing is right God will sell our house and “open the door” for our move.

Recently, as Wanda and I were taking a long walk together, she looked at me and asked, “Why can’t we move before we sell our home?” Now, please understand, this is not a new question. We have been asked that many times in the last year by other well meaning people, and our answer was always that we could not afford to pay the mortgage and our living expenses in Guatemala. End of discussion.

But when Wanda asked me the question that evening something clicked in both our hearts, and we began to pray for the Lord’s guidance. We have learned that the only thing that matters is God’s voice, so we desperately wanted to hear it and not confuse it with our own desires. We now are convinced that we have heard Him speak and will be moving to Guatemala in January.

As we have shared this decision with family and friends, some of them have greeted us with skeptical stares and words of caution. We understand that they are concerned for our family and want to make sure we are making the right decision, and we appreciate their words of counsel and have taken them seriously. We are taking a huge financial risk as a family, but at the end of the day, God’s voice is all that matters.

One of the phrases that we hear repeatedly in the American church is “open doors.” It is usually used in the context of a believer who is seeking God’s will for a decision and they pray, “Lord, if it is your will, open the doors for me to do it.” And they wait to see if doors open. I believe that is standard practice in western churches, but I have come to see it as completely unbiblical.

When we pray for “open doors” we are praying that God will make the decision safe and easy. Yet, throughout scripture I see God calling his people to repeatedly do dangerous and difficult things just because He told them to do it. One of my favorite instances of this is found in Joshua 3 as Israel is entering the Promised Land. God tells Joshua to instruct the priests to pick up the Ark of the Covenant and walk into the Jordan river. His promise was that when their feet touched the water the river would be cut off up stream and they would cross on dry land. And that is exactly what happened.

They did not sit waiting for God to “open doors.” If they had, they would still be there waiting. They instead followed God’s voice and trusted Him to make a way as they walked.

While this is my favorite example of this principal, it is not the only one. Gideon facing a huge army with 300 men, some horns, torches, and clay jars. Israel marching around Jericho. David facing a giant with a sling shot. The disciples heading out with only the clothes on their backs. And many, many more. Not one of them waited for open doors, they simply followed God’s voice.

Currently we see lots of closed doors as we look ahead. An unsold house and a budget shortage are just a couple of them. But we can hear God’s voice and are heading toward it. To use the Israelites as a comparison, we see the Promised Land but there is a river at flood stage between us and it. But we are walking, and soon our feet will get wet.

(Moving note: Our plan is for Wanda and I to travel to Guatemala on November 4-11 to sign a lease on a home and make preparations for our move. We will then leave Ohio on January 12th and spend a week in NC with my family followed by a week in PA with Wanda’s family. Finally, we will fly out of Washington DC to Guatemala on January 26th. We would appreciate your prayers through this transition.)

Jo Jo Made It Home

I just spoke with my friend, Dick Rutgers in Guatemala and found out that out little buddy, Jo Jo passed away yesterday. This little guy was born with three strikes against him, hydrocephalous, cerebral palsy, and dwarfism, but he was still perfect to those who knew him. His brilliant smile could light up a room, and I loved the sound of his voice as he spoke the cheerful word “Hola!”

He became sick last week with a respiratory illness and never recovered. When Dick saw him on Monday he was struggling to breath and could not be made comfortable. Those who loved him began to pray that God would take him home, and that prayer was answered.

He is now in a place where there in no more CP, dwarfism, or hydrocephalous, but as Dick said, “I hope God doesn’t change him too much because he was perfect the way he was!”

Jonathan Joel Gamaro

November 7, 1996 – September 1, 2010

We will see you soon, Jo Jo! Next time, you will run to us!

A Powerful Video

I don’t often post media on this blog, but my sister-in-law, Jaylene, told me about this video which does an excellent job of portraying the heart of the Gospel and the mission of the church. It is called A Thousand Questions and is just over ten minutes long. You would be hard pressed to find a better use for the next ten minutes. Please watch and pray.

(Note: Make sure to mute or pause the music player at the bottom of this page before playing.)

Pouting

I have an embarrassing confession. I have been doing a lot of pouting recently. That is hard for me to admit, because I have always hated to see people whine, complain, and pout. My general response to such people has been a firm, “Grow up and get over it!”

But this past Friday I looked in the mirror and didn’t like the expression on my face. I looked like a four-year-old who had been sent to bed without dessert. And the sad part is that the expressing perfectly expressed the attitude of my heart.

Our house still hasn’t sold and there is not exactly a line of people waiting to see it. The news reports tell me that the likelihood of selling our home decreases each passing week. Then last week we were hit by a financial crisis that cost us nearly $3000.00 of personal money that we had set aside for our move, and that crisis was in the midst of an ongoing shortage of funds we have as a family. These circumstances, combined with a difficult personal issue, have left us drained and discouraged. And on Friday I found myself pouting and complaining to God big time.

“God, what are you doing? You know that we are selling everything we have to follow You, and everything we make from those sales will be given to You! We have downsized our lives and are laying aside comfort to live among the poor and care for your children. Yet, for some reason, You will not bring us a buyer for our house and seem determined to drain every penny from us! Meanwhile I see self-indulged and greedy people, many of whom profess to be Christ-followers, who use their money selfishly without regard for a dying world, yet You seem to prosper them with more and more! Why, God?!?” (Of course, this little diatribe was peppered generously with phrases such as “I trust you, Lord, but…”)

So that background should help you to better envision the pouty face I saw in the mirror that day.

On Friday evening as we were going to bed, Wanda and I talked and prayed together. We shook off our pouting and laid ourselves on God’s altar once again. We told Him that we did not worship and follow Him because of what He does, but because of who He is. Therefore, whether He sold our house and provided for our financial needs or not, we would keep following Him. And then, as Wanda went to sleep, I opened my Bible for my evening devotions. In God’s great plan, part of my reading was Psalm 37 which begins like this:

“1 A psalm of David. Don't worry about the wicked. Don't envy those who do wrong. 2 For like grass, they soon fade away. Like springtime flowers, they soon wither. 3 Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires. 5 Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. 6 He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. 7 Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. 8 Stop your anger! Turn from your rage! Do not envy others -- it only leads to harm. 9 For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the LORD will possess the land.”

The entire chapter was filled with encouragement, but verse 34 spoke volumes to my heart:

“34 Don't be impatient for the LORD to act! Travel steadily along his path. He will honor you, giving you the land…”

And so, we continue to wait…hopefully with less pouting.

A Different Kind of Faith

Over the years our family has seen our faith grow tremendously. As we took step after step of faith we did so tentatively at first, but with increasing confidence as we grew. We have seen thousands of instances of God’s miraculous provision, guidance, and healing. And now, more than ever, we find ourselves dependent on Him as we take the largest step we have ever taken.

Face it, it is no small endeavor to sell almost everything we have and move to another country. At present, we are still short of the monthly support we would need to pay our bills, yet we are ready to move as soon as our home sells. Further, our faith is required even now as we have a monthly shortfall in our budget of a significant amount. We have not received our entire paycheck for the last two months and have experienced some significant financial setbacks. And yet we trust, because God has always provided for everything we have needed…sometimes at the last possible moment.

So, last month when I felt that God was leading me to pray that we would received a workable offer on our home by a specific date (July 30th) our family did so, fully expecting God to answer that prayer. We prayed and fasted with passion, conviction and confidence believing that God would respond with a buyer. But he did not. And not only did we not receive an offer, not one person looked at our home over the two weeks we prayed that prayer. Ouch!

As the date came and went, I began doubting myself. After all, I had made this request known in a very public way. But after everything was done, God did not respond. Had I mistaken my own desire as the leading of God? And, in so doing, had I dishonored God and spread doubt in other believers? Those were good questions that needed to be asked. So, I did. And, as I sought the Lord for these answers, He showed me something about my faith.

You see, over the years I have developed my faith in God’s ability and willingness to answer prayer. We have learned to step off the cliff repeatedly in response to God’s voice, knowing that He will catch us. And that is a great kind of faith to have. But it does not represent the whole of faith. There is another equally important side of faith that is shown through our willingness to trust God when He does not answer our prayers or catch us when we leap.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had that kind of faith. As they stood before king Nebuchadnezzar they spoke these words:

“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:17-18)

They did not walk in obedience to God because they knew He would spare them. They did so because they knew His way was best and He was trustworthy, regardless of the outcome.

Likewise, the apostle Paul speaks about faith in Hebrews 11, and as he does so he talks about God’s miraculous provision and protection for people such as Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Rahab, Gideon, and more. Each of them trusted God and saw His hand move in mighty ways. But Paul doesn’t stop there. He goes on to write this:

“Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated-- the world was not worthy of them.” (Hebrews 11:35b-38a)

These people believed, trusted, and followed God yet faced severe persecution and, sometimes, death. Does that mean their faith was less that those who did not suffer similar fates? Of course not. Faith is more than trusting God to provide and spare, it is also trusting God when He chooses not to.

This flies in the face of the American church that seems to thrive on promoting the concept that God wants us healthy, wealthy, and entertained. But it is central to scripture. As Job said, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him…” This faith has been absent in much of the teachings of the western church, and it is the most undeveloped aspect of faith in my own life.

As I write this entry, our home still has not sold and we are still short of vital funds that are needed for our ministry. But I know this simple truth: I will not follow God because of what He has done and what He will do for me. He owes me nothing; I owe Him everything. I will follow Him because He is good…and that does not change, regardless of the events of my life or death.

The Blessing of the Bottleneck

bot·tle·neck (bŏtˈl-nĕkˌ) – n - a narrowing that reduces the flow through a channel

Note: The photos in this posting are just a few of the photos that we have scanned to our computer and then thrown away this week. They are as follows:

1. My dad (circa 1960) – He passed away in 1996, and I still miss him greatly. There are days when I would simply love to hear his voice and smell his distinctive “dad smell” again.
2. Jeff McDaniel (from 1984) – He was my best friend in high school. He died four years ago of Lou Gerig’s Disease (ALS). We were “the two amigos” and our English teacher, Mrs. Hoots, used to joke that we were attached at the elbows.
3. Scott Stanze – He was a leader at Crosspoint Church when I was pastor there. He quickly became one of my best friends. He died suddenly of a heart attack in 2006. He was a huge Buckeye fan that I will miss until I see him again.
4. My old Highland/Fairview youth group. This was a photo taken in 1994 during a Kentucky Missions Trip. Every one of those kids (now adults) hold a piece of my heart.

As you all know, we have been in a waiting period for the last year. It was 12 months ago that we felt God’s call to move to Guatemala and over eight months ago that we put our home on the market. Since then we have been waiting.

But while we have been waiting, we have also been busy. Plans have been made, paperwork completed, passports issued, and our lives have been downsized. The downsizing has been done in stages as we have gone through our possessions numerous times, thrown away much, and sold even more. Each time we go through this process, we realize that we still have too much and need to reduce those possessions even more. But finally we are nearing the end of this process. Our house, closets, and storage rooms are nearly empty.

The reasons for this mass sell-off is three-fold. First, God has shown us that we have too much junk. Quite frankly, we have realized that we have wasted our time, money, and energy purchasing and maintaining things that we did not need and seldom use while billions in our world live without. That has broken us and moved us to downsize and remain downsized in the future.

Second, we need money for the start-up of our new group home in Guatemala, and one source for those funds is the selling of our possessions. As we sell our home, vehicles, toys, and clothes every penny is being designated toward start-up costs of this new ministry.

And finally, as we move to Guatemala we must go through a bottleneck. That bottleneck is a six hour flight to Guatemala City on which we can each take two suitcases. Those two suitcases must contain all of our clothing and possessions with which we will live for the foreseeable future. To ship additional items is expensive, so we will make do with what we can carry (plus about six cases of ministry equipment and supplies and seasonal items that have been carried over for us by ministry teams.)

Two years ago I would have said there was no way we could reduce our lives and household down to two suitcases each. But God has been gracious in leading us on a journey that has shown us what is really important and how little we really need. That enabled me to throw away large amounts of sentimental possessions on Tuesday. We filled-up the back of my pick-up truck with old photos, newspaper clippings, cards and letters, and more. I selected a small percentage of photos and clippings for scanning, but the rest went to the dump. Possessions that used to be considered priceless memories are now being sold on E-bay. Even as I type this my daughter, Brittney, is in the next room sorting through and disposing of many of her own sentimental items. And all this is happening because of the bottleneck that lies ahead.

Some of you are likely shaking your heads and thinking badly of us now. How could we give up so many sentimental  possessions? And, to be honest, I will admit that I would have likely felt the same two years ago. But the blessing of the bottleneck has been to reveal to us what is really important, and it is not the boxes of knick-knacks that have cluttered our storage for years. It is the people and lives they represent. And those knick-knacks don’t come close to capturing either the memories or the people behind them.

Further, we have a choice to make. We can cling to those things that are mere shadows of those relationships, or we can let them go to save real lives and love more people. I believe that, in light of God’s Word, there is little doubt what our Jesus would choose.

And so, we are facing another yard sale in which many formerly cherished items will leave our home. But we can let go and move on knowing that the memories they represent are forever, and there are still more memories to build. That is the blessing of the bottleneck.