But this past Friday I looked in the mirror and didn’t like the expression on my face. I looked like a four-year-old who had been sent to bed without dessert. And the sad part is that the expressing perfectly expressed the attitude of my heart.
Our house still hasn’t sold and there is not exactly a line of people waiting to see it. The news reports tell me that the likelihood of selling our home decreases each passing week. Then last week we were hit by a financial crisis that cost us nearly $3000.00 of personal money that we had set aside for our move, and that crisis was in the midst of an ongoing shortage of funds we have as a family. These circumstances, combined with a difficult personal issue, have left us drained and discouraged. And on Friday I found myself pouting and complaining to God big time.
“God, what are you doing? You know that we are selling everything we have to follow You, and everything we make from those sales will be given to You! We have downsized our lives and are laying aside comfort to live among the poor and care for your children. Yet, for some reason, You will not bring us a buyer for our house and seem determined to drain every penny from us! Meanwhile I see self-indulged and greedy people, many of whom profess to be Christ-followers, who use their money selfishly without regard for a dying world, yet You seem to prosper them with more and more! Why, God?!?” (Of course, this little diatribe was peppered generously with phrases such as “I trust you, Lord, but…”)
So that background should help you to better envision the pouty face I saw in the mirror that day.
On Friday evening as we were going to bed, Wanda and I talked and prayed together. We shook off our pouting and laid ourselves on God’s altar once again. We told Him that we did not worship and follow Him because of what He does, but because of who He is. Therefore, whether He sold our house and provided for our financial needs or not, we would keep following Him. And then, as Wanda went to sleep, I opened my Bible for my evening devotions. In God’s great plan, part of my reading was Psalm 37 which begins like this:
“1 A psalm of David. Don't worry about the wicked. Don't envy those who do wrong. 2 For like grass, they soon fade away. Like springtime flowers, they soon wither. 3 Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires. 5 Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. 6 He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. 7 Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. 8 Stop your anger! Turn from your rage! Do not envy others -- it only leads to harm. 9 For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the LORD will possess the land.”
The entire chapter was filled with encouragement, but verse 34 spoke volumes to my heart:
“34 Don't be impatient for the LORD to act! Travel steadily along his path. He will honor you, giving you the land…”
And so, we continue to wait…hopefully with less pouting.
