When Love Hurts and Heals

Today we drove to Solola to visit a little boy named Micah. (His legal name is Miguel, but a missionary friend who has been visiting him has been calling him Micah, so that is what we call him as well.) Micah is two months old and has severe birth defects that have produced a terminal condition.

Micah was born without a skull above his face and ears, so what little brain he has is floating in cerebral fluid that extends upwards in two lobes. Two days ago one of the lobes ruptured due to pressure, and cerebral fluid has been draining as a result. In addition, Micah has severe cleft lip and pallet, and is unable to suck or swallow as a result. Therefore, he relies on a feeding tube for nourishment. (Please note: We are being discreet with the photos we share publically. I have seen too many such photos used in hurtful and harmful ways on the internet, so we are being careful with the images we publish.)

As I approached his bed and reached out to touch his face, all of the tubes and birth defects disappeared. All I saw was a beautiful and precious little boy. And I, once again, fell in love.

At that moment, I had a little argument with God that went like this:

God: You are his daddy. Take him home to his family.

Me: God, I cannot do this again. I cannot love another child and watch him die. It hurts too much.

God: Daryl, do you know how deeply and how many times loving you has hurt me?

Checkmate, God.

At this point I had no idea if they would allow us to take him into our home. He is still leaking cerebral fluid, is at a high risk of infection and is very fragile. But I knew I had to try. So I turned to the representative from PGN, the social worker and the nurses and, with the help of our friend, Felis, explained about our home and the care we could provide. I then asked if we could make Micah a part of our family and carry him to Jesus during the days he has left. There was an immediate and unanimous affirmation of that plan, and Hugo, the PGN worker, left immediately to talk to the judge and arrange for the orders. As a result, an ambulance will be transporting Micah to our home tomorrow morning.

As I left the hospital, I felt joy. Don’t get me wrong, I also felt fear of what may lie ahead. But the overwhelming emotion was joy. This is what God created us to do, and I felt God smile. He loves Micah way more than I ever could, but He takes great joy when His children love the ones He loves. And that is enough to carry my family and I through whatever lies ahead.

Please pray for Micah and for our family and staff. Micah is suffering now, so pray that we can ease that suffering and hold and love him well until the day Jesus does so perfectly. Someday soon Micah will run to Him!

Thanks!

Daryl, Wanda and the Crew