The Power of a Parent

There are very few moment in my life that I would qualify as life-changing, but one of those occurred in 2007…

Wanda and I were seated in a governmental office in China where we had just met our soon-to-be-adopted son, Joshua. From the beginning Josh was a go-getter and had shown us that quality in our first 15 minutes together as he used his awkward, yet efficient and speedy, crawl all over the room. He was a bundle of energy, speaking rapidly in Chinese and darting across the room after the toy car we had given him.

But our translator interrupted his play and called him over beside her. He sat there with a serious expression on his face as she spoke quietly to him. Occasionally he would look over at us with a puzzled expression and then turn back to the translator with a question. More talk would follow. Finally, after about five minutes, the translator turned to us and said,

“I have been trying to explain to him that you are his mom and dad, but he doesn’t know what a mom and dad are. You are just going to have to show him.”

At that moment it felt as if the universe shifted. Everything changed. For the last 18 months I had been working full-time in orphan ministry with The Shepherd’s Crook Ministries, so I thought I knew what was at stake for orphaned children. I had left behind the pastorate in order to serve those children, so how could I not. But suddenly I realized that I had only scratched the surface.

My new son, abandoned at age two on a train, had spent the last two years and nine months in a special needs orphanage and was approaching his fifth birthday. And this little guy had no idea what a mom and dad was. He didn’t even have a frame of reference on which to build. And, in that moment, Wanda and I vowed to teach him what a mom and dad is.

I remember placing him on my shoulders for the first time. At first he was scared and grabbed two handfuls of my hair to hold to, nearly yanking it out by the roots. But within 15 seconds he had realized that I was holding him and would not let him fall. And he began to laugh with a belly laugh that was contagious to everyone around us. It was a beautiful moment as he discovered that his daddy’s shoulders are a safe place to be.

Later, at our motel, he broke down crying. We aren’t sure what triggered it, but I suspect it was simply the overwhelming changes that had suddenly engulfed his life. We found him lying quietly on the floor behind our bed, sobbing with his face buried in the carpet. So Wanda gently lifted him and sat with him on a chair. He laid his head on her chest and cried until he slept. I captured that moment is the photo posted here. He awoke a little later, once again happy and ready to face the world. And for the first time he realized there was a safe place of comfort where he could go to cry. He discovered a mother’s arms.

These and a thousand other lessons followed. He learned that a mom and dad are people who listen. He learned that a mom and dad discipline. He learned that a mom and dad believe in him. And he learned (on a sidewalk in China) that dads get very angry when someone says something mean about his child. (Another story for another time. Remind me to tell you about how I nearly went to a Chinese prison.) And, above all else, he learned that a mom and dad love. By the time we landed on US soil 10 days later, he had a pretty good idea what a mom and dad is. And those lessons still continue today, seven years later.

But this experience forever changed me as I began to wonder how many other children do not know what a mom and dad is. And I had trouble sleeping as I thought about the ramifications of that omission in their lives. Because the absence of a mom and dad goes much deeper than just earthly love and care.

Stop and think about it. Why did God create the role of father? It was not just to provide an earthly caregiver. It was to help us understand who He is. He was Father before any human was father. Before Cain and Able were ever conceived, he was Father to Adam and Eve and shared the intimacy of that relationship with them. And it is through that earthly relationship that we better understand Who God is and how He sees us.

The first time I held my daughter, Brittney, in my arms I learned more about God than four years of theology classes had taught me. I understood better what His love and mercy and passion and sacrifice really is all about. And it is through my love, imperfect as it is, that my children learn about who God is. God created parenthood to help us understand His love and the way He sees us.

So if a mom and dad are stripped away from a child then that child will be greatly hindered in understanding God and His love for them. How will they ever come to understand that a Heavenly Father loves them when there is no earthly father to show them that kind of love? How will they ever understand that their Heavenly Father wants what’s best for them and can be trusted unless they see that mirrored in earthly parents? How will they ever learn that they can be lifted safely by God to new heights on His shoulders if they have never ridden safely on their earthly dad’s shoulders? And how can they ever know that they can crawl into the comfort of their Heavenly Parent’s lap and arms if they have never known the comfort of an earthly mommy’s arms? I am not saying it is impossible for an orphaned or abandoned child to learn these things, just that it becomes much, much, much more difficult.

And so, it became our mission to do everything in our power to assure that every child knows, first-hand, what a mom and dad are. That drive led us to start Hope for Home Ministries in 2008. It led us to move to Guatemala in early 2011. (This picture was taken during a long night at the airport in Washington DC. I still remember the excitement and fear of that move as we headed into an uncertain future.) It led us to start Ministerio de Esperanza in the Spring of 2012. It led us to open Hogar de la Esperanza in August 2013 and fill it to the brim with children who need a family. And it is leading us as we move ahead, trusting God every step of the way.

Why am I sharing all of this with you? Good question. I guess it is because we need your help. We need you to be a parent to the parentless. And you don’t have to move to Guatemala to do so.

Look around you. Likely you are surrounded by children who need a mom and/or a dad. The fallen nature of man has stripped away what God intended every child to have, but you can fill the gap.

In your neighborhood and church you will likely find some or all of the following:

• A family abandoned by the husband and father, and a tired mother trying to make ends meet.
• Children whose have one or both parents who are withdrawn or absent due to alcoholism or drug abuse.
• A child who has been removed from their home by Family Protective Services.
• A widower trying to raise his children without their mom.
• You can probably think of more.

One of the greatest and most important ministries you could ever do it to fill the gap left in these children’s life by become a surrogate parent to them. Through such a relationship you can bind up wounds and help them come to understand and know the perfect Parent who can forever heal those same wounds. I can think of no higher calling than this: Be a parent to the parentless.

Men, reach out to that boy whose father is absent. Take them to the game. Teach them to hunt. Help them pick-up the game of golf. And in the process, take time to listen, love and mentor. Show them what a real dad is.

Women, look for the children who need a mother and love them like your own. Let them learn your arms and your home are a safe places to be. Teach them who a mom is so they can learn to trust and believe. Show them what a real mom is.

And don’t forget to prayerfully consider becoming foster parents or adopting a child waiting for a home. Also, don’t forget that if you are drawn to be a parent of international orphans, we have a place for you.

There is not doubt that this mission of becoming parents to the parentless is important to God. He instructs us repeatedly to care for the orphaned and the fatherless. In fact, He tells us that this concern and action on their behalf is one of the key distinguishers of true religion (James 1:27). As the church, this should be a part of our mission, and it goes hand-in-hand with evangelism and discipleship.

Together, let us make this our mission so that every child, in the US and around the globe, will know what a mom and dad are. And, in turn, will know their Heavenly Father as well.

Blessings from Guatemala!

Daryl, Wanda and the Crew