The Alternative

This morning I had to say “No” to another child. I have had to turn away lots of children since our home opened, but this one hit me extra hard. Maybe that is because I know we really are completely full now and have no more room, man power or resources. I knew that I had to say “No” and I know that I will have to keep saying “No” for the foreseeable future.

Note: Since my last blog we were contacted by the malnutrition center, Casa Jackson, about little Humberto. He was supposed to come to our home, but due to a foul-up by CNA he was instead transferred to a state-run orphanage in Guatemala City. Casa Jackson has petitioned the judge to have him moved from there to our home because we are better equipped to care for his needs. He has a hearing tomorrow morning, and the judge has asked me to attend. We believe this injustice will be reversed and Humberto will come to our home. This will bring us to our absolute maximum capacity.

The child we turned away this morning was an 11 year old boy with a seizure disorder. He is in a hospital in Huehuetenango and is ready to be released, but he has no home to go to. The social worker begged us to take him and, when we explained the situation, then asked us to please tell her of other homes that might take him. We gave her the names and numbers of other places, but all of them are filled as well. So, we turned away a child today, and I have no idea what is going to happen to him.

This led to a conversation/argument between God and me. (I was doing all the arguing and God just listened while I vented.) To be honest, I am angry. I don’t think I am angry at God, but am instead angry at some vague entity that I call the church. I just don’t understand why, with all the need there is in this world and the access to information that brings that need into our homes day after day, Christians aren’t flocking into the world to meet that need and proclaim Jesus.

I have pleaded with God daily to send us more help to open more homes. I have pleaded with people through this blog to come and join us. And…nothing. Our home is full, we are turning children away, and we have no ability to open our next home because there is no one to lead that home. Why not?

Some people have told me that I am too transparent in this blog. I am too open and honest about my own failures and struggles and too open about how hard this ministry is. And maybe they are right. Maybe I have just scared people away as I have related both my highs and lows. (As I read back through my past blogs I find myself wondering if I would have scared myself away.) But the simple reality is that my blogs are true. This ministry is both wonderful and horrible. The highs are really high and the lows have led me to the graveside twice in the last year. This ministry has invigorated me and exhausted me, sometimes on the same day. And I have often thought of quitting only to quickly realize that there is nothing else I could do and still be happy. And before anyone would choose to join us I want them to know those truths. Because if my words would scare them away, the reality most certainly would.

So, I thought I would take a moment to share with you why I do this ministry, and why it is worth it, even  through the lowest valleys. There is a simple reason that you may or may not understand, and it is this:

It is way better than the alternative.

I could close up this ministry, sell off the possessions and head back to the States. It would take a little while, but we could do it. I see missionaries having their moving sales almost weekly as they leave the field and head back home. We could do the same.

I could get a job in ministry. I have lots of contacts and ministry credibility that would likely land me a job as pastor of a church. I was asked by one denomination to head their church planting efforts already, so I could go do ministry Stateside and it would be a noble cause.

We could purchase a decent home, get the kids enrolled in school and I could forget trying to master this Spanish language thing. (I can’t even explain to you how nice that sounds as a 47 year old still trying to learn Spanish.) And we could support missions from a distance.

But what we could not do is un-learn what we have learned and un-see what we have seen. We could bury our heads in the sand and pretend that everything is okay, but in our hearts we would know that is not true. We could not forget the faces and stories that have shaped our lives and ministry over the last seven years since we started coming to Guatemala. And we could not pretend that our absence would not be devastating to those we would leave behind.

You see, today I am mourning that I had to turn an 11 year old boy away. But if I run away I would be turning away 12 more that God has brought to us. I can grieve those that I cannot help, but is that an excuse to ignore and abandon the ones I can? Of course not.

Staying can be hard at times, but the alternative of leaving is unthinkable. So we stay. And at times things are good and easy. (Well, not easy, but easier.) At other times, things are hard and painful. But we stay because the alternative is far worse.

And in that is where the help we so desperately need lies. Somewhere out there is a family reading this blog, and the alternative of staying where they are is looking worse and worse.This family cannot un-learn what God has taught them and un-see what He has shown them. So the comfort of their life is looking less and less comfortable. The pressure is building, God is speaking and the clock is ticking. And, in them, lies the hope for a home for this boy we turned away this morning… and so many more.

I know that everyone is not called to this ministry. We need prayer partners and financial supporters, as do so many other wonderful ministries and missionaries. And if that is your call then thank you. You are valuable and precious to us.

But some of you are called. I don’t know who you are, but you are called. Maybe you are arguing with God and listing the reasons why He could not be talking to you. Maybe you have the excuses written out and memorized. But God is calling. And the alternative to going is looking less and less appealing. I want you to know that I am praying for you. I am praying that soon the call to go will surpass the alternative of staying.

The fields are white, the workers are few and people are dying apart from Jesus. That is the alternative.

Blessings,

Daryl, Wanda and the Crew