Making Sense Out of Chaos

As I write this blog, we are on our fifteenth day of Joshua’s hospital stay. If you have been keeping track, you know that Joshua had surgery on December 9th to untether his spinal cord. Then, after going home on the 14th we discovered a pocket of fluid in his lower back on the 19th that signified a leakage for spinal fluid. He had emergency surgery on Sunday, December 20th and he spent Christmas in the ICU.

What you do not yet know is that on Monday, the 28th we discovered that the surgery had failed and he was once again leaking spinal fluid into his lower back. We are currently waiting for his primary neurosurgeon to return tomorrow and perform the necessary surgery to repair the failed graft. We can expect another 10 to 14 days in the hospital following that surgery.

During this ordeal, our children have rallied and made the best of a difficult situation. They had great attitudes as we spent Christmas Day in the ICU and have been tremendous at helping out around the house. In spite of the difficulty and disappointment of spending the holidays in the hospital, we were able to have fun as a family and keep our focus on Jesus. For that, we are thankful.

At the same time, we are all very tired. Wanda spends most days here with Joshua, and I spend most nights here. The older kids have had to shoulder much of the household responsibilities and the care of the younger children. And most of our college student’s Christmas break has been spent with these challenges. And as they return to school tomorrow, we are still facing another surgery early in the week and another long recovery, even if everything goes smoothly.

And, on top of it all, Joshua has been suffering. Our normally outgoing and happy little guy has become withdrawn and sad. One night, as I was tucking him in for the night, he got huge tears in his eyes and said, “I’m never going home, am I?” I would give anything to be able to change places with him.

Normally, when I write this blog it is because I have experiences or insights to share. I confess that I’ve got nothing this time. I know that God is good and that He has a plan for all of this. I know He is faithful and will provide what we need for the days ahead. My faith is not shaken at all. But I am tired, hurting for Joshua, aching for the rest of our children and Wanda, and dreading what still lies ahead.

So, please pray for Joshua and our family. Please pray that this surgery is successful. And please pray for our girls who are heading back to college, but are leaving part of their hearts at Dayton Children’s.

Thanks.