On Monday Joshua was able to go home from the hospital after a five day stay following his back surgery. While he had to remain flat until Wednesday, he was very happy to be home again. On Thursday and Friday we were slowly allowing him to get up and around with the use of a walker, and on Saturday we were able to go to the mall as a family with Joshua in his wheelchair.
Then, last night, we found a problem. As we were getting Joshua ready for bed we discovered a large pocket of fluid under the skin on his lower back. I suspected that he had a spinal fluid leak and called the hospital to speak with the on-call neurosurgeon. He suspected the same and had us bring him to the emergency room this morning where he was waiting for us. Our fears were confirmed and they rushed him into emergency surgery.
Over the next 5 to 6 hours they worked to repair the grafts in his back. The surgery went well and he is now in ICU recuperating. But with this unexpected series of events comes some serious changes in our Christmas plans. You see, Joshua will have to remain flat in bed and in the ICU for the next 5 to 6 days, with a few days in a regular room to follow. So this years Christmas will be very different for our family.
We had been planning to celebrate this season to the max. As you probably know, this will likely be our last Christmas in the States before our move to Guatemala, so we had numerous plans for our immediate family on Christmas Eve and Day, and travel plans to spend time with our extended family in PA and NC. Everything is now changed. Our trip is now cancelled and our time at home will be radically different. Wanda and I are currently working to find ways to make this holiday special for both Joshua and the rest of our children.
So, at the end of this whirlwind day, I find myself struggling with discouragement. Being the family-lover that I am, combined with the Christmas fanatic that I am, I am reeling from the reality that our family will be separated for most of this season. Wanda will likely spend most of the days here at the hospital while I take the night shift. We will occasionally bring the rest of the kids down for a visit and some time together, but Christmas will be very different this year.
I find myself wondering what God is up to. I have been a Christ-follower long enough to know that the ups and downs of life are not arbitrary, but a part of His divine plan. And I have found that is especially true of the times in which I most questioned his ways. So, I wonder why God would want us to spend our last Christmas in America like this. As of now, I have no answer to that question. But I do have a few guesses:
- We have always told our kids that Christmas isn’t about family traditions, decorations, or presents, but about God becoming one of us in order to save us. We have said many times that even with all those things stripped away we could still celebrate the intended focus of it all…Jesus. Maybe God is wanting us put our money where our mouth is and find the joy of this season without the normal things that fill this time of year.
- As I look around the PICU, I realize that we are not alone in our discouragement. There are many families here who are facing similar (or far worse) situations. Some of these parents are wondering if their son or daughter will live to see Christmas Day, and many of them are facing these fears and challenges without the comfort of Jesus. Maybe God has brought us here to be a source of light and hope for them.
- There is no doubt that I often seek to find the reason and design behind everything. I guess that is a trait I inherited from my dad…always wanting to know how and why everything works. Maybe God is trying to deepen my trust in Him without knowing the reasons behind the scene.
- Or maybe it is a little or a lot of all of the above.
Lord, please help me to trust you through this time. Help our family to find the joy and depth of this season through these circumstances. And please use us to show you to those who need you the most.
