At the risk of soundling like a lunatic, I find myself talking a lot about some dreams that I have had recently. As I mentioned earlier, God wrecked me in some much needed ways while I was in Guatemala. He showed me how selfish I still am and how much there is that needs to be done. He showed me that I have not yet learned what it means to give us everything and follow Him. To sum it up, He broke me.But the breaking did not end in Guatemala; it followed me home. Over a series of five nights I found myself experiencing dreams that were unusually clear, powerful, and troubling. I won't bother sharing all of them, but I do want to detail the last two.
In my third dream I found myself in Hermano Pedro (the hospital in Antigua for children and adults with Cerebral Palsy and malnutrition) trying to care for the kids. The kids are crying, starving, and dying around me. I can actually feel them dying. I am walking from crib to crib touching them, as I keep asking myself, “How many can I save?” and “Which ones do I save?” The dream ends with me standing in the middle of one of the wards crying and saying to God, “I don’t know what to do! I need more help!”
I woke up crying.
The next dream occurred the following night and I found myself in Africa in a long line of people. I was with two companions whom I did not know, and I was holding a little girl who was dying. The line in which we were waiting led to an old tar-paper covered shack in which medical missionaries were treating the sick. I knew that if I did not get the little girl in to be seen that day, she would die. I also knew that we were at the point in the line at which it was questionable whether we would make it in before they closed for the day.
Suddenly, the doctor burst out of the shack and said that they had to close the clinic for an hour. I asked him why and he told me that it was because they were out of “this” and he needed to go get more. He placed an empty bottle of what had been some kind of oil (not motor oil, more like olive oil or vegetable oil) into my hand. I stopped him and said, “No, you don’t need to close! Keep working! I will get you more!”
So I handed the little girl to one of my companions and turned to walk down the line to get what they needed. And as I did I realized that the line extended more than a quarter of a mile behind me. And each adult in the line was holding or holding the hand of a child that was dying. And I realized that none of them would be seen by the doctor that day.
As I walked back the line, I came to two young men, one of whom was holding a little girl. I approached them and told them, “You know that you will not be seen today, don’t you?” One of them looked at me and said, “God can make a way! He has to! We lost a little girl last year because we couldn’t get in. We can’t lose another one!”
Then he reached into a worn leather satchel that was slung over his shoulder and pulled out a 4X6 photo of the little girl (about 8 months old) they had lost as she lay dying. And when I took the picture, I was suddenly in the photograph standing next to her crib. And, as I stroked her little cheek, she died.
I woke up crying.
I woke up crying.
The next dream occurred the following night and I found myself in Africa in a long line of people. I was with two companions whom I did not know, and I was holding a little girl who was dying. The line in which we were waiting led to an old tar-paper covered shack in which medical missionaries were treating the sick. I knew that if I did not get the little girl in to be seen that day, she would die. I also knew that we were at the point in the line at which it was questionable whether we would make it in before they closed for the day.
Suddenly, the doctor burst out of the shack and said that they had to close the clinic for an hour. I asked him why and he told me that it was because they were out of “this” and he needed to go get more. He placed an empty bottle of what had been some kind of oil (not motor oil, more like olive oil or vegetable oil) into my hand. I stopped him and said, “No, you don’t need to close! Keep working! I will get you more!”
So I handed the little girl to one of my companions and turned to walk down the line to get what they needed. And as I did I realized that the line extended more than a quarter of a mile behind me. And each adult in the line was holding or holding the hand of a child that was dying. And I realized that none of them would be seen by the doctor that day.
As I walked back the line, I came to two young men, one of whom was holding a little girl. I approached them and told them, “You know that you will not be seen today, don’t you?” One of them looked at me and said, “God can make a way! He has to! We lost a little girl last year because we couldn’t get in. We can’t lose another one!”
Then he reached into a worn leather satchel that was slung over his shoulder and pulled out a 4X6 photo of the little girl (about 8 months old) they had lost as she lay dying. And when I took the picture, I was suddenly in the photograph standing next to her crib. And, as I stroked her little cheek, she died.
I woke up crying.
After each of these dreams I could not go back to sleep. I was deeply troubled so I got up to pray. And as I prayed, the burden increased and I could not shake the impression that I was responsible; that God was telling me that I needed to change things.
So, why would I bother to share these dreams and their impact on me? The answer is simple, they are more than dreams, they are reality. And in the days ahead I will share with you in greater detail what God has been showing me through them and my response. But for now I leave you with the reality of the Word of God:
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard." - Isaiah 58:6-8
