I know…two blog entries in a week. Here’s to hoping no one suffers a heart attack from the shock.
Over the last few months there are several things with which I have struggled as I have sought to hear God’s voice and understand His direction for me, my family and this ministry. Imagine that God is speaking in His still, calm voice while other voices shout loudly. There is an occasional, short silence as the yelling voices take a breath, and in those moments God’s voice is clear and strong. Then the yelling begins again, threatening to drown out the voice I most need to hear.
Thus far I have been able to cling to His voice through the moments of shouting, remember the words He spoke when I cannot hear them. Other times I am able to tune out the other noise and hear Him, even when the shouting continues. But still the voices are there.
Let me explain the yelling voices to you before you arrange to have me committed to a mental health facility. The two loudest voices are 1) Fear and 2) Popular Fiction. And they have very big mouths.
The first voice, fear, is very loud these days. There have been several times in recent months that I have awoken from a deep sleep feeling overwhelmed with fear. This fear stems not from nightmares or boogie men, but from a far bigger monster…finances. I don’t write much about money, except when seeking a sponsor for a child. We make it a point not to share financial needs publically, instead choosing to take those needs to God and allow Him to place it on people’s hearts to give. This is the George Mueller model of ministry, and it has served us well. We do not fundraise for our ministry, allowing God to do it on our behalf.
This posting is no exception to that commitment, so please continue to read. I am not asking for money or griping about finances at all. I am simply sharing my struggle with fear, knowing that some of you are likely facing the same and hoping that my journey and struggle can help.
Over the last six months God has blown the lid off of my vision for this ministry. He has laid before me a plan that is way bigger than me. It is way bigger than anything man can do. And yet He continues to confirm that vision and encourage me to join Him in that work. And I agreed, even though there was a tremor in my voice as I vocalized my willingness to follow.
And from the moment I said, “Yes, Lord”, He began to open doors in front of me and inviting me to go through them. And, with each open door, there has been an increased financial commitment. And that has led to my fears.
We just added another Guatemalan staff member to our team. Joel Caal Rax will be serving as the Director of our ministry in Solola. With that addition, we now have six full-time employees. And with that comes the responsibility of paying both their salaries, benefits and ministry expenses. Meanwhile, the medical expenses within our home and rural village ministry have increased significantly. Special medical needs have arisen, medicines have increased, testing has been required and it seems like we have another doctor appointment every other day. It gets quite scary when I think about it.
And occasionally I do think about it. And the fear rises up. And when that happens, what do I do with it?
One of the things I know is that God is not the author of fear. God leads us, convicts us and challenges us, but He does not give us fear. So, when fear rises up I can know that it is not God speaking. So, in those moments, I simply have to look beyond the fear and ask myself if I am following God’s lead. If the answer to that is “Yes” then the fear actually becomes a confirmation. The author of fear is resisting my direction because he, himself, is afraid. And fear is the only real weapon that he can use against me. (If you are trying to fight the enemy, simply run toward the direction from which the bullets are being fired.)
I have reached the point at which, when the fear is the strongest, I grit my teeth and set my face in the direction I am heading. Forward, for the Kingdom!!! But that does not mean that the voice of fear will stop yelling. In fact, it seems to get louder the further we go. But one of my favorite quotes is this:
“God’s work done in God’s way never lacks God’s supply.” – Hudson Taylor
So I simply have to ask, is this God’s work and are we doing it God’s way. If so, the money, resources and people will come.
The second voice is that of Popular Fiction. What do I mean by that? I mean lies that have been so embraced by the church that they are now seen as settled fact. These are traditions that we believe are rooted in Scripture, but are instead rooted in the “wisdom” of man. What are these Popular Fictions?
1. Conservative Stewardship – Because of the excesses and materialism of the American culture, there has arisen a Christian response in the form of biblical stewardship. And this has been an overwhelmingly positive response. In our credit-driven economy there have been wonderful men and women of God who have risen up to challenge believers to live and spend carefully and intentionally and avoid debt. And I support that model enthusiastically. As believers, we should not be living extravagantly or running up debt. Around two decades ago a wonderful Christian financial counselor helped Wanda and I to get our finances in order, and those steps freed us to be able to follow God wherever He led, without the anchor of debt dragging behind.
But the problem is this…we have taken that model for personal living and applied it to ministry.We take the concept that we should not buy a big screen TV or other luxury items unless we have the money set aside for it and apply that to following God’s call. And we tell ourselves that is scriptural. But it is not.
We are told that responsible Christian stewardship means having savings, investments, a retirement plan, emergency funds and more. And over and over again I hear respected Christian financial advisors quoted as the reason why a family cannot head to the mission field or rescue an orphan or begin a ministry. They treat following the call of God like buying a television or new car. But the two are not the same, and the biblical principals that determine the decisions are different. And sometimes God calls us to sell everything we own and give it to the poor, or go to the mission field or adopt an orphan. And that call means leaving behind our safety nets.
Churches establish their budgets by looking at their giving from the previous year. But they call it a “Faith Budget” because they add in an additional 5% or 10%, trusting God to provide. Then they decide the ministry they are going to do based upon those numbers. And we call that “stewardship.” But is it? In fact, is that even faith at all? To me that seems like men doing man-sized things that do not require God at all.
What if, instead, churches fasted and prayed and got on their faces before God to seek His direction for ministry? And then, after hearing His voice, determined how much those ministries were going to cost?And then (Gasp!) they made that their budget?
Isn’t stewardship simply the awareness that what we have actually belongs to Someone else? And that Someone has the right to demand and use any and all of it for His pleasure and purpose? In other words, isn’t true Christian stewardship simply doing whatever God tells us to do with the money, time and resources He has provided? And (get this) usually biblical stewardship does not involve a safety net.
If you are reading this and thinking that Daryl is off his Bible rocker, please show me where I am wrong. But even though I know this is true, that voice of Conservative Stewardship keeps yelling at me and trying to dictate how I lead this ministry. Sometimes it comes in the voice of another person, a good person, providing me with a friendly caution. Sometimes it comes from a sermon or book I read years ago. Sometimes it is just another tool that fear uses. But I cannot allow traditional teachings to override biblical truths.
2. Visionary Leadership – It is very difficult to find a book on ministry leadership that does not promote an aggressive and well laid-out vision for ministry. It is constantly promoted that a good leader knows where he wants to lead and has a thought-out plan regarding how to get there. This usually includes one-year, three-year, five-year and ten-year goals, and regular meetings to reaffirm the vision and goals with your team. A good leader knows exactly where he is going and keeps the team in line toward that goal.
But that has not been true of me. Before we moved to Guatemala I sat down and did the visionary leadership thing. I made one-year, three-year and five-year goals. I made flow charts and bullet lists and I presented those plans in churches. And now, as we approach five years in Guatemala, I can tell you that very few of those plans have transpired the way I envisioned. Our rural village ministry progressed beyond my five-year plan within two years on the ground. My vision for opening this group home dragged behind. At this point I had hoped to be working on licensing our third group home, but we are still waiting for a couple to lead the opening of a second.
Even the goals we did reach were reached in different ways than I envisioned. And none of them were reached because of my great visionary leadership and planning. Everything happened because God orchestrated the details in spite of me.
Several months ago, when God gave me the vision of opening a headquarters and resource center in all 22 departments of Guatemala, I immediately began setting goals and making bullet lists again. About an hour into that process I had a conversation with God that went something like this:
God: Psssst! Daryl!
Me: Yes, Lord?
God: What are you doing?
Me: Making plans to accomplish the vision you gave me.
God: Really? You are making plans to open 22 headquarters all over Guatemala? Please, explain to me what you are going to do to accomplish that impossible task.
Me: ….
God: How did this ministry get to where it is now?
Me: Well…I have tried to hear your voice and obey you each day. And, as I did, you made it all happen.
God: So, why do you think anything has changed now? I am the visionary leadership of this ministry. You just need to hold my hand and walk with me while I accomplish my purposes.
Me: (Wadding up my list of goals and plans and taking a sigh of relief) Deal!
But occasionally I hear that nagging voice shouting in my ear. It comes from all those leadership conferences I attended as a youth pastor and pastor that claimed to be rooted in Scripture but were actually rooted in the wisdom of man. The principals work well if you are building a human institution, but fail miserably if you are building the Kingdom of God. But still it screams and threatens to block out God’s voice that reminds me that He is the wisdom and the source of all that needs to be done. I just need to hold His hand and do what He tells me…one step at a time.
Don’t believe me? Read the Bible and see the great men and women of God. God did not give them 10 year plans. Instead, He gave them a general vision that required them to walk closely to Him and listen to His voice for every step.
So, here I am in Guatemala, surrounded by shouting voices. But only one voice matters. And I can still hear it when I focus on Him and cling to truth. Please pray that I will do that well in the days ahead. And I will pray the same for each of you.
Blessings from Guatemala!
Daryl, Wanda and the Crew
