Worth It

If you follow this blog, you know that the last six months or so have been difficult ones. Without becoming too specific, I have sought to be transparent about the challenges we have faced while running this ministry, and the personal struggles that has caused within me. I won’t revisit those struggles for a couple of reasons. First, I have already shared them, and second, I don’t want to live in the past. We are coming through the other side feeling refined and with a tighter grasp on Jesus, so that is enough.

What I will say is that when I was in some of the darker times, it was hard to remember that what we do was worth the struggles. During those times, the problems loomed large and the returns seemed small. To be honest, I spent too much time wallowing in self-pity and martyrdom and was, therefore, unable to take my eyes off myself to see Jesus as I should. Neither could I focus on the big picture of His plan.

I find that I have moved beyond that stage, due to God’s grace and mercy, and have found my joy and strength in Him again. And, now that I have, it is so much easier to see that the payoff of this life and ministry far outweighs any challenges or struggles we have faced. At times God gives me moments that are frozen in time as evidence of that truth.

Today was one of those instances. One of the children in our home (for confidentiality purposes, I am withholding her name) met with our psychologist today. The children are required to meet weekly with a psychologist, so this is a normal part of her life, but today was special. This girl was abandoned by her mother when it was discovered she had special needs. So, she was left with a father who beat her until he was arrested for stealing. That is when she came to us. Then we found out yesterday that her father has gotten out of jail and is requesting visitation rights.

For him to receive those rights, two things have to occur. First, the judge needs to give his permission in writing. Second, the child has to agree to the visits. So we asked the psychologist to talk with her to avoid any perception of influence on our part and to have it officially documented. Here is the conversation as related to me through the psychologist (the child cannot speak, but communicates through gestures and head nods and shakes):

Psychologist: Do you remember your dad?

Child: (Nods with a big smile)

Psychologist: Do you know where you dad is now?

Child: (Another smile and nod)

Psychologist: Where is he?

(At that moment, I passed through the area where they were talking, totally unaware of what was happening.)

Child: (A very huge smile and points to me)

Needless to say, I wept when I heard this. In that moment, I knew everything we have been through was worth this moment.

The conversation continued from there:

Psychologist: Do you remember the dad you had before?

Child: (Suddenly solemn with wide eyes she nods)

Psychologist: Did he hit you?

Child: (With eyes tearing, she nods her head)

Psychologist: Would you like to see him again?

Child: (A firm shake of the head with a very fearful look in her eyes)

As I learned of this conversation, all of the struggles of the past slipped away and became very insignificant. In that moment I knew, once again, that everything was worth it. We had prayed that we would become a home and a family to these children, and we have. They are safe, loved and happy, so I would do it all over again if I had to.

Different times we are told by others that they respect us because they could never do what we do. I understand that. In many cases, it is just a matter of calling. If you haven’t been called to this life, then you would not be able to do this, just as I could not do what many of you do. We need many believers doing very different things in this world, so God calls and we follow our own specific calling.

But there are other times that I believe that they have been called. Their hearts are broken and they are passionate to make a difference, but fear of the challenges keeps them from responding. So, they don’t. Fear of the struggles keeps them from seeing the benefits. And it breaks my heart.

I wish for just one day they could see the difference that could be made. A changed life…a secure and happy child…a family where there was once loneliness. If they could see the possibility I think the fear and struggles would fade. And, boy, do we ever need it to fade.

Soon, we will have children number eight and nine joining our home as we welcome twins. Now we really need to open a second home, but we cannot due to a lack of workers. We need a family who loves children with special needs to come and join us. Actually, we are praying for nine more such families so that we can open a total of 10 homes, caring for 100 children. But for that to happen, believers have to look past the challenges to see the benefits.

My favorite quote is by Francis Chan. He says this:

“Our greatest fear should not be fear of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”

Many of us, myself included, spend too much time succeeding at things that are easy, but don’t matter. Christ calls us to the difficult (actually, the impossible) that really matters, for both this life and eternity. But for us to discover that reality, we have to realize that it is worth it. And once we do, our world changes, along with the world around us.

That’s all for now. Blessings!

Daryl, Wanda and the Crew