Monday, August 29, 2011

Grieving from A Distance

The Ecklebargers are settled in their new home. There is still a lot that needs to be done there, but they all have beds and their basic needs met. Now, for the first time in over a month, they are all living under their own roof together.

In the next week we hope to get them set up with NIT numbers and help them purchase a vehicle. Please pray that God will lead them to the right van and 4-wheel drive.

Currently, my Forerunner is getting some work done, so I am unable to get to the villages. I hope to get that back tomorrow. In the meantime, I find myself struggling with grief due to news we received from the States.

Occasionally, you receive news that turns your world upside down. On Sunday, that news came for me through a phone call. I found out that my cousin had walked into his bedroom, shot his sleeping wife, and then turned the gun on himself. I praise God that his wife is expected to recover after undergoing a long surgery, but my cousin was dead on the scene.

This is the kind of thing you read about in the paper or see on the local news. It doesn’t happen in your family. The cousin who lived across the road and served as your childhood playmate doesn’t do those kinds of things. Yet, on Sunday morning, those distant headlines became a very personal reality.

There are tons of emotions that accompany news like this. Anger. (What was he thinking?) Worry. (Will his wife be okay?) Guilt. (I should have seen it coming and done something to prevent it.) Helplessness. (It is now too late to do anything.) Grief. (I will never see him again.) Shame. (What will people think of our family?) Side note: Even writing this blog is scary wondering if my family and I will be judged by the actions of my cousin.

I can honestly say that over the last two days the States have never seemed so far away. To be here in Guatemala and know that your family is hurting and struggling through such devastation but you can’t be there to help is difficult. To wrestle with issues that involve extended family without having them close is hard. So, for the first time, I am experiencing the sacrifice of our move and ministry.

Up until now there have only been some minor struggles and problems that have accompanied our move. Nothing major. And, while we have all missed family and friends, we have been busy making more friends and throwing ourselves into ministry. This is the first time that I have felt the cost of missions. I knew there would be moments like this, and I tried to prepare myself for them. But, nothing really prepares you for a time like this. It has taken my breath away.

Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t regret our move to Guatemala. I know we are where we are supposed to be, and I want to be here. But, at this moment, my heart is torn between this country I love and a little town called Summerfield. For the sake of my mother, brother, sister, cousins, and uncle, I wish I could be there. But I now have to place them in the hands of Jesus and ask Him to be their Comforter and Healer. I know He does a far better job than I do anyway. And I need to be the listening ear (all be it from a distance) and a comforting response through a keyboard. Meanwhile, I have to take my own questions and grief to God and let Him be what I need.

Would you please pray for my extended family through this difficult time? Pray especially for my cousin’s wife that God would bring her the physical, emotional, and spiritual healing that she desperately needs. Also, please pray that all of us will get angry at the author of lies who brings about this kind of destruction of lives. We are at war…let us live like soldiers.

(Just a side note: I find it interesting that there seems to be an intentional and heretical push to convince the church that there is no Satan and no hell. Seems like the whole push is to get us to live as if there is no war and nothing important is at stake. As my cousin has demonstrated, in a catastrophic manner, everything is at stake. Let us fight for hearts, lives, and eternity.)

Thanks and good evening from San Antonio Aguas Calientes.

Daryl, Wanda, and the Family