Coming and Going

This posting was written on Sunday evening, March 7th but not posted until Monday due to lack of internet connection.

Our team’s last day-and-a-half in Guatemala was spent with the kids of Hermano Pedro. As happens each trip, our group fell in love with those children and treasured every moment we had with them.

Saturday morning was a little tense when we arrived at the orphanage. Apparently the nurses were upset that we had insisted on the six children being fed the night before. I was told by the head nurse that we were mistaken and that all the kids had been fed earlier because they were on a special diet. However, there were a couple of holes in that story. First, we know the children and their eating habits and none of those kids were on special diets. Second, we were with the kids all afternoon and would have known if they had received food. I spoke with a long-term volunteer at HP and explained to her the situation and provided a list of the kids who were skipped during their feeding. She took it to the nursing supervisor who said they would have a meeting early this week to develop a system to assure that no kids would be skipped. Then, at lunch time, the nurses were carrying lists and checking children off as they were given food. So it looks as if things are changing, even if we had to tick-off some nurses to make it happen.

That afternoon we took a group of the younger kids to Central Park in Antigua. We had a blast taking off their shoes and socks and letting them splash their feet in the fountains. We purchased ice cream from a street vendor and let the children enjoy that rare treat. We then returned to HP, after allowing plenty of time for their clothes to dry. (Apparently most Guatemalans believe that children will die of pneumonia if their clothes get wet, even on an 80 degree day, so we could not let the nurses see the children with any dampness on their outfits!) We also returned with ice cream for all the nurses which seemed to make peace with them.

This morning we said goodbye to the kids and left. Most of us did so through tears. I can’t begin to describe how difficult this is. Each trip, as we leave behind the children, we feel as if we are leaving behind a part of ourselves. And each time our urge to get there full-time increases. How much longer will we have to wait until we can move their permanently? We know God’s timing is perfect and keep reminding ourselves of that truth. But, as we drove out of Antigua, I found myself for the first time feeling like home ownership is a curse. If only we could simply call up a landlord and let him know we were moving.

But, for now, we are simply waiting and praying for our house to sale. And while we wait, we continue to face life with part of our hearts in Guatemala.

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Update on Byron’s chair: Thanks for your prayers for Dick’s work on Byron’s chair. He has determined that the head control unit is not damaged, but the problem is instead with the computer. He is hopeful that he can get Byron back on the road by Thursday or Friday. While that seems like an eternity to Byron, it could have been much worse.

Fighting for Food

The last two days have been very full for our team. Interestingly enough, there has been a common thread that has run through our work. That thread…food, or the lack thereof.

Yesterday we spent the day at Casa Jackson which is a malnutrition home on the edge of Antigua. Currently it houses 14 children who entered the facility greatly underweight. We helped with bathing, feeding, and holding the children as well as some basic cleaning. The entire group greatly enjoyed the day they spent with these little ones.

I spent much of the afternoon with a very serious little girl named Mirna. Throughout the first part of the day she observed our group with large brown eyes, but never once cracked a smile. At around 1:00 pm I took her in my arms with one goal in mind…a smile! Using silly voices, “gotcha” fingers, and assorted props, I gradually saw a smile develop. Then, at around 3:00 I actually heard a giggle! It seemed like she actually learned to smile and laugh for the first time that afternoon. I imagine she hasn’t had much to be happy about thus far in her short two years of life.

We spent today at Hermano Pedro loving on the kids. Once again we filled the courtyard with every available child. We blew bubbles, played games, and sang songs, and as we did we saw the same marvelous transformation occur. Joy replaced sadness and the entire place brightened.

For lunch we took a group of the older teens and two young ladies out to eat at Pollo Campero. Stomachs were filled with food and paper airplanes made from placemats filled the air. We had so much fun with this group!

 

My  buddy, Elmer, and I put on our special hats and struck a gangsta pose together while Dick hit us with spit wads. In other words, the adults were worse than the kids!

We returned to HP at 2:00 pm to find almost all the kids back in their cribs. We held another jail break, liberating most of the children into the courtyard where we spent the rest of the afternoon.

Things went well until supper. As usual, the nurses brought out food for us to feed to the children. We all fed the kids assigned to us and the nurses came back around to brush the children’s teeth. At that point, various members of our team began to point out different children who had not received food. After discussing it with everyone we determined that six children had been skipped. When we pointed this out to the nurses, they tried to argue that they had received food, but we were sure they had not. We stuck to our guns and insisted that they be fed. Eventually they relented and food was brought out. However, they had already cleaned up after dinner, so those remaining only received bread mixed in warm milk.

But for our team’s alertness and intervention, six children would have gone to bed hungry tonight. Why? Because of a failure to create a simple checklist that would assure that all the kids receive a meal. I confess that this angered me. How many other nights do they miss feeding some of these little guys? And how long will it be until someone cares enough to change things?

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On a side note, Byron’s head-control unit for his wheelchair shorted out today. This young man is a wonderfully active guy thanks to the mobility provided by his chair, but until it is repaired he loses that mobility. Dick is working to repair it, but is not sure he has the necessary parts. A new unit is expensive and would not work as well for Byron’s needs. Would you please pray with us that Dick will be able to scrape together the parts necessary to get him back on the road quickly? Thanks!

Contrasts

Our team spent today at Amor del Nino, a Christian orphanage near Guatemala City. This is my fourth trip there, and each time I go I am struck by the contrasts between this loving ministry and Hermano Pedro.

The first thing you notice as you enter their home is how open, bright and cheery it all is. The kids have room to play and wonderful playground equipment. The entire place screams “We love children!”

But that is not the most impressive part. What stands out more than any of that is the care provided by the nannies. When a child is wet or messy they are quickly changed. When an infant cries, the caregivers drop their tasks to give attention. And the care provided is done with joy and playfulness.

These differences produce remarkable results in the children. They are open, friendly, and joyful. Our team was overwhelmed with hugs, kisses, and playful giggles. I laid on the ground laughing as toddlers piled on top of me shrieking for joy. And children who entered their walls with deep wounds have shown great progress and healing.

And as I sat loving these wonderful little ones, I was struck with the awareness that Hermano Pedro could be like Amor del Nino.  It, too, could become a place of hope and healing. It, too, could be filled with laughter. And it would only require a change of mindset.

At the heart of the problem at HP is the failure to recognize the treasure of each child. Instead of being viewed as priceless human beings created in the image of God, they are viewed as damaged goods. As a result, they are often allowed to sit in their own feces and urine and to lie in their cages 20 hours a day with little human interaction. They are treated as objects that need to be fed and cleaned instead of divine sparks to be cultivated and loved.

If only the administrator of Hermano Pedro could see each of those children through the eyes of Jesus, everything would change. And, over time, HP and Amor del Nino would become very much alike.

Lord, please move hearts and change attitudes to make that a reality.

Fresh Eyes

This morning our team spent time observing and helping at The Scheel Center in Jocotenango. This is an incredible facility that ministers to street children who are three or more years behind in school. This accelerated program helps to catch them up and provide a quality education and career training to improve their future and break the cycle of poverty.

In the afternoon we returned to Antigua and spent more time at Hermano Pedro. As usual, we returned to an empty courtyard as the children had been placed in their beds for the rest of the day. That quickly changed as we liberated them from their cages and filled the courtyard with laughter and squeals (of both the children and our team).

My day was made as I exited a ward to find little Louis in Wanda’s arms. When we arrived on Saturday, we found out that he had never returned to his ward following the holidays and our hearts were broken. We have fallen in love with this little guy and were extremely sad not to see him during this trip. That despair quickly returned to joy upon find that he had returned this morning! Thank you, God, for that gift!

I have never seen the kids of Hermano Pedro as happy as they were today. Paulo, who rarely smiles or even makes eye contact, was laughing aloud as Don, one of our team, played with him. Delmi was smiling broadly as Marisa talked and played with her. And Ervin, who rarely has anything to do with anyone except Dick Rutgers and me was crawling around generously dispensing hugs and kisses to everyone who would have them! Love flowed freely and the place was filled with joy. As I looked across the courtyard I couldn’t help but feel that it was a little taste of heaven!

As I share this with you, I have to make a confession that shames me. I have gotten used to the living conditions of the children at HP. I bring team after team into those wards and explain the conditions and introduce them to the children. And I tell them, often through tears, how hard their lives are. But there are nights that I tuck the children into their cribs and walk away without stopping to remember how wrong it all is.

Tonight was not one of those nights. As I was preparing to place Lionel back into his stainless steel cage the Holy Spirit nailed me right in the heart and I saw that place anew. And as I laid him in his bed and kissed him goodnight I broke down and wept like I did the first time I entered those wards. It continued as I laid Jo Jo in his bed, and Miriam in hers. I lowered the side of Ervin’s crib and hugged him, and as he held me tightly and would not let go, I wept again.

I cried for two reasons. First, because no human being should ever, ever, ever have to live that way! It is a violation of all that is holy and good. I was weeping tears of sorrow and frustration that our sinful world has fallen so far.

Second, I wept out of shame that I had allowed myself to ever get used to that abomination. I cried because I fail to cry every time that I say goodnight. Lord, please forgive me for not being broken every day by the things that break your heart.

And so, I will go to bed tonight with a fresh commitment to my Jesus to remember to see each day and each need with His eyes.

Spotting the Need

Our team just completed our first full day at Hermano Pedro. The team was excellent as they rolled up their sleeves, embraced the children, and spread love generously. I am so proud of all of them.

When you enter an institution like HP, it is completely overwhelming. There our 240 children, teens, and adults who desperately need attention, yet only 12 people on our team. In a situation like that, who do you choose to embrace? Do you spend all day hopping from child to child, or do you simply pick a few?

Over my numerous visits here, I have finally arrived at an answer. My time is best spent by choosing the ones who meet the following criteria:

1) The ones that I do not find attractive at first glance. If, at first, I don’t find them attractive, it is likely that none of the other volunteers that regularly come through find them attractive either. The ones who are not cute, from a human perspective, are most often overlooked and ignored. And even though many of them are cognitively delayed, they eventually learn that they are ugly and embrace that identity. They suffer the most and need my attention more than the others. And, once I get to know them, I realize how beautiful they have been all along, but my sin-blinded eyes couldn’t see that truth.

2) The ones that are angry. If there is a child who lashes out in anger and frustration, they have good reason to do so. Trapped in a steel cage day after day, treated like an object, and seldom spoken to, they tend to be little vessels filled with hurt, loneliness, and rejection. If we were in their place, we would likely act the same way. It is often hard to earn their trust because their trust has been betrayed so often, but when you do, it is worth it. These little guys and girls are like sponges who are eager to soak up love once you break past their defenses. Plus I have come to realize that they are much like me before my Jesus broke through my defenses.

3) The ones that will not initially respond. These are the ones that have shut down and simply stare into space. They may have cute faces, but their faces are blank and lifeless. They have received so little stimulation in their short lives that they no longer attempt to engage people with their eyes and expressions. They are in a coma-like trance, so people assume there is no one inside and walk right past. But there is someone there. Behind those blank expressions are seeds of life waiting to be nurtured and cultivated if someone is willing to take the time.

Now if I take these three criteria and apply it to the residents of Hermano Pedro I have narrowed down the need from 240 to about 150 to 170 people who are created in the image of God but are ignored and overlooked. So the need is still overwhelming for a team of 12. We need so much more help.

Lord, please awaken your church and light a fire in them to care for the unattractive, the angry, and the unresponsive. And please do it soon.

Mixed Feelings

Note: This blog was written on February 27th but not posted until March 1st due to internet connection problems.

As I type these words, I am flying over the Gulf of Mexico en route to Guatemala. Wanda and I are once again leading a team of 12 people to work with orphans and street children, and as always I can’t wait to get there.

Our time away from Guatemala is always difficult. We miss the children from Hermano Pedro and the other ministries so much. We are always concerned about the attention they receive (or don’t receive) when we are not there, and we find ourselves aching to hold them. So, as we begin another ministry trip I am exciting to see my kids and love them in person again.

But there is another feeling that is always present each time I return. It is fear. As I prepare to once again walk the wards of Hermano Pedro I am afraid of what I will find.

I am sure that Big Melvin has lost even more weight. Each time I see him he is thinner, and he is already a skin covered skeleton. I am  afraid to see how drugged Ervin will be. Dick has told me that the staff has upped his medication to keep him subdued and I don’t want to see this wonderful little guy in a drug induced stupor.  I am afraid to see Delmi. This often ignored and neglected girl becomes very withdrawn without loving attention, so I am afraid to see how long it will take for her to smile at me again.

And the list goes on...Louis, Gloria, David, Roberto, Diego, etc. What have that had to endure in the three months since I was last here? How much of life have they missed while imprisoned in at three by five foot cage?

But my excitement far outweighs my fear. And for the next nine days our team will love these kids with the love of Jesus. And they will have more of an impact on us that we will have on them. So we plunge in, with both excitement and fear as to what we will find.

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Note: We have arrived in Guatemala and spent time at Hermano Pedro. One thing we did not expect was to find Louis not there. He has apparently not returned to HP after his time away and is still with his mother about 5 hours from here. The same is true of little Brenda. We are deeply concerned about their well-being. Please pray for Louis and Brenda.

Ouch!

Have you ever had a conversation in which someone lovingly put you in your place? You know what I’m talking about…with a few words they cut right to your heart and expose some ugliness that you didn’t realize was there. But once those words are spoken, you can’t avoid the ugliness that is now so obvious.

That happened to me tonight as I was sharing with a friend some of my frustration with the church that I have been venting on this blog. His words were simple and honest and cut me to the core. “Daryl, it sounds like to me that you are trusting in your own efforts instead of trusting in God. And, now that your own efforts aren’t working, you are blaming the church.” (That is a paraphrase of his words from my increasingly cloudy memory.)

Words like that don’t hurt unless they are true. But when they are… “Ouch!” Since I hung up the phone, God has continued to do surgery on my heart and attitude, and the cancerous gunk He has pulled out so far is ugly.

He is reminding me that He is our Caller, our Sustainer, and our Provider. He is the God of the harvest and will produce the needed harvest for His ministry through us. And, as a result, I need to stop acting like a pouting child and love His church, regardless of their response or my perception of their obedience. In fact, I need to stop focusing on their obedience at all. I have plenty to keep me busy in focusing on my own obedience.

When I forget these things I become worried, anxious, self-righteous, and downright pushy. I try to kick down doors instead of waiting to see the door that God is opening. And I become judgmental of everyone who won’t get on board with MY program and help ME kick. In short, I become a jerk. (I know, some of you are probably thinking this is my default setting!)

And so, the surgery continues. As the loving Surgeon does His work, I am very thankful that He is full of mercy and gentleness. And I am very thankful (and very sorry) that He has more patience with me than I have for His other children.

Forgive me, Lord. And (wince) keep cutting!