Last night our little Angelita left our arms and ran into the arms of Jesus. She is now free of feeding tubes, wheelchairs, pain and sickness. And, even as we grieve deeply for ourselves, we celebrate for her.
She had her surgery to place a G-tube last Thursday. We had been wanting to do that surgery for some time, but had waited for her to stabilize. We finally received the approval from the neurologist and, shortly after, the judge, and proceeded with the surgery. She has had lots of problems with breathing, and we hoped that by removing the NG tube and placing the G-tube it would help her breath better. The surgery was a success, she returned home the next day, and she seemed to be breathing much better.
Yesterday I was on the road almost all day. I took my daughter, Carissa, and my parents-in law to the airport early morning (Carissa is returning to Uganda) and returned home for about an hour before heading to San Pablo La Laguna. We were transporting a refrigerator for my daughter, Brittney, and her new husband, Joel, and helping them get settled into their new home.
At around 7:15 pm we were on our way home when I received a call from Stevie telling me that Angelita was crying a lot and that he, Katie and Kara believed her to be in great pain. The pain meds did not seem to help, and they were concerned. I immediately called our doctor who agreed to come as soon as he finished with a couple of patients. We arrive home about 45 minutes later, and the doctor came about 10 minutes after that.
He listened to her lungs and determined that she needed to be admitted to the hospital. Someone began packing a bag for her, and I went upstairs to pack an overnight bag for myself.
And now it when I share a public confession. I was angry at God, and I told Him so. I was tired after more than 11 hours on the road and only 3 1/2 hours of sleep the night before.. I was tired of doctors and hospitals and short nights of sleep. And I was tired of seeing Angelita suffer. So, I yelled at God and told Him so. This was a selfish and angry prayer that was rooted as much in my own fatigue as in my concern for her. I don’t remember exactly what I prayed, but it was something along the lines of, “God, will you give us a break? Either help her get better or take her! One or the other!” And then I grabbed my bag and stomped down the stairs.
I was making a call to arrange some details while we were getting her ready to leave, when Katy carried Angelita out to me and told me that she had stopped breathing. I did a finger sweep into her mouth and then tried two resuscitation breaths. I realized that her lungs were full of fluid and made the decision to not pursue further attempts at CPR. I honestly felt that to try to prolong her life at that point would be cruel. She slipped away quickly and was gone.
I cannot describe how difficult this was. There have been many times in the last six months that I prayed that God would take her home so she could know complete healing. Yet, as I realized she was truly gone, I struggled deeply. Guilt for my earlier selfishness and desire to somehow bring her back overwhelmed me. How could she slip away so quickly? And we all mourned.
The doctor returned a few minutes later to fill out her death certificate. The casket was ordered, and we prepared her body. She remained in our home overnight while we attempted to contact her biological grandmother and make arrangements. Guests came to offer condolences and remained until almost midnight. We were unable to reach her grandmother until 11:00 am this morning. She wishes for us to return the body to Jutiapa for interment, so plans for that trip began.
We held a brief memorial service at 2:30 this afternoon in our home. Those who loved and cared for her gathered to remember her and celebrate her home going. It was a beautiful service as many shared memories and stories from Angelita’s life. There were tears and smiles, hard moments and fun moments. I think both Angelita and Jesus were pleased.
Gerardo and Manuel quickly worked together to get the necessary paperwork to allow us to transport the body, and I am typing and posting this while traveling to Jutiapa. It is about a 4 1/2 hour trip one way, so we will not return home until around 2 am. Please pray that we are well received and not met with hostility. Also pray that we can minister to her grandmother and extended family and that Jesus is glorified.
Her grandmother is extremely poor, and is concerned about the burial expenses. She asked us if we could help her with sugar and coffee, as the family of the deceased is expected to serve coffee and sweetbread to visitors who come to mourn. We will be providing those things, along with a food basket and Q.1500.00 to help with other expenses, including a grave stone.
Please pray for our family and extended family of workers and volunteers who loved and gave such excellent care to Angelita. All of them are grieving deeply, even as they rejoice that she is now whole and free.
And please pray for me. This entire episode has exposed some ugly and selfish parts of me. So much of me is still unlike my Jesus, and I am struggling with my own uglyness. Pray that I will never again place my own fatigue and self-interest above others, especially a precious child who is suffering. Pray that I will learn to love like Jesus. And pray that I will learn to fully trust my Lord. I am still so unlike Him.
Thank you for each of you who have prayed for Angelita, given for her care, encouraged us with your words and, now, grieve her loss. You are more valuable than you realize, and your impact is felt in very tangible ways.
Blessings and love from Guatemala!
Daryl, Wanda and the Crew
