Identity and Family

Back in July we welcomed little Milton Geovanni into our home. This little guy has been a handful of energy and mischievousness that has kept us on our toes. He suffers from microcephaly and is delayed in his development, but he is gradually making progress in both his behavior and the passing of milestones.

But when he arrived in our home, he faced a much greater crisis than any physical or developmental disability. He faced a crisis of identity. When he showed up at our door, he had no last name, no birthdate, no birth certificate, no health records. He came to us as cute little boy with no discernable past. And that deeply troubled me.

He is not the first to come with us with an identity crisis. When our little Esperanza came last year she had no name as well. As a result, we were given the privilege of choosing her name. And so we did…Ruth Esperanza. And while she was given the legal last name of her birth mom,  we chose to place our last name on her tombstone when she left us. Why? Because a name is not just a name. It is a part of your identity. And Esperanza’s identity was, in part, being a member of our family. We were the ones who loved her and grieved deeply over her passing, so she was a Fulp.

Now we are currently working on behalf of Geovanni to help establish his identity. We took him to a forensic doctor in Guatemala City for exams and testing and they determined his approximate age. As a result, he was given the birthdate of January 23, 2013. The judge also randomly assigned him a last name. And, as I type this, my friend and ministry partner, Manuel, is on his way to Guatemala City to pick up a legal birth certificate for him. So, at last, Geovanni will have a full name, birthday and birth certificate.

But that is not all that is involved in giving him an identity. In fact, that is just a small part. In fact, every child who has entered Hogar de la Esperanza has done so with an identity crisis, even if they had their name and birth certificate. Because identity goes to our very heart and souls, and all of them came with missing or damaged vital parts. And this has broken my heart repeatedly.

Some of our kids came to us abused, and some still carry the physical scars of that violence. For others, the bruised have faded, but the emotional scars remain. It is painful to attempt to hug a child and see them wince because they are expecting a blow. Others were abandoned or neglected before finding our home. Some were cared for, but treated like objects. How do these backgrounds affect a child’s identity? Many arrive feeling worthless and unimportant. They believe their identity has been written, and that identity is unwanted.

That is why our home and all future homes we open will be family-based. A family is a crucial component for instilling identity. Something happens when…

…a child is hugged instead of slapped or punched.

…a child is talked TO instead of ABOUT.

…a child realizes they are important instead of discarded.

…a child is heard and seen instead of ignored.

They begin to realize who God made them to be.

I see it all the time when I look a child in the eye and tell them I love them. I see it when they make someone smile or laugh, not at them but with them. I see it around the dinner table as we laugh and joke and talk, and for the first time a child is a part of it all. It is through family that they learn that they are important, loved and valuable. It is through family that they learn that they have something worthwhile to offer. It is through family that they, and us, really learn to live.

But it does not end there, because there is a spiritual component to identity that is often overlooked. In fact, it is more than a component, it is the core of all we are and all these children are. And our primary role is to help them see who God is and who they are to Him. But we cannot address the spiritual core without first addressing their need for a family.

Face it, it is very difficult to learn to trust a heavenly Father if they have never had a trustworthy earthly one. In fact, it is very difficult to even understand the concept of love without a family who demonstrates it.

So, we have the privilege of being a family built on Jesus Christ who, in turn, provides a foundation on which children can come to know and love God and realize He loves them. The final step is when each of these children realize that they are not only valued by us, but by the God Who created and knows them intimately, and that He is worth following.

So, as Geovanni receives his birth certificate today, he is also receiving so much more. This little guys is loved…deeply and passionately. He is learning that he is important. And I pray, one day soon, he will realized that Jesus is the Author of his identity and is worthy to be followed. That is the prayer I pray for each of the children in our home, whether they be biological, adopted or one of the incredible ones that God has brought to our group home.

But this is not just an issue for children with special needs in Guatemala. It is an issue for you and I as well. Do we know who we are? Do we know we are loved by the One who made us? Do we know whom God created us to be? I pray so.

But as I write this, I am overcome with gratitude. Because, while we are the ones who get the privilege of loving and caring for these children, many of you are the reason we are able to do so. Your prayers, encouragement and support are what continue to make this home and ministry a reality. It is because of the faithfulness of God’s people, such as you, who has moved Hogar de la Esperanza from being a dream in our hearts to a reality at work. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Today may you know your identity in Jesus Christ and live for His glory!

Daryl, Wanda and the Crew