Faithful

I can honestly say that the last six months have been the most challenging period of my life. It seems that the perfect storm was unleashed on Wanda and I and has knocked us for a loop. A personal family matter has weighed heavily on our hearts. The opening of Hogar de la Esperanza has required extremely long days and weeks for us as we have adjusted to this new life and family. The enemy has been active seeking to deceive and divide our team. And the loss of our little Esperanza has taken us to depths of grief that we never imagined.

Any one of these things would be difficult to face. Together they have left us feeling beaten and scarred. There have been days that I have had trouble dragging myself out of bed in the morning and then wanted to crawl back in by 10:00 am. I honestly feel like I have aged 10 years in the last half year.

Yesterday a friend confronted me about my disposition. He pointed out that I was lacking some of the fruit of the Spirit in my life, namely joy and patience. As I was confronted by his words I had no argument or defense. He is right. I have allowed the enemy of my soul to steal my joy and some of the very characteristics that should define my life. Those words were hard to hear, but the truth often hurts in order to heal.

As I was praying about this last night, I asked the Lord to help me focus my eyes on Him again. It is so easy to watch the waves instead of the One who walks on them. And, as always, God is so gracious and forgiving. I felt His presence anew and His forgiveness flowed through me. This morning I approached the day with joy and hope for the first time in months.

At the same time, I have also been humbled by a fresh awareness of God’s faithfulness. In spite of my unfaithfulness, God has been moving around me.

One of our great prayers when moving here was that God would use us to create a place of healing and hope. Somehow He has done that. When the inspectors from CNA came to our home for the first time they praised the care we were providing and the program we created. And we quickly gave credit to Jesus. Each hearing for the kids has produced praises from the judges, social workers and psychologist regarding the progress of the kids. And each time we have told them that it was Jesus who was bringing healing. A few days ago little Angelita laughed loud and long for the first time. (When she first came to us she was totally non-responsive.) We know that is God’s healing occurring in her. Each night we tuck the children into bed to the sounds of laughter and squeals as we kiss and tickle and love and know that God has given these children hope and a place of belonging. Even as I type this the sounds of play outside flood into my office, and I can’t help but wonder where these children would be if God had not done all of this.

Angelita laughs for the first time!

Meanwhile, God continues to grow and build our rural village ministry under Dale Beyer’s leadership. God is bringing deeper connections and sharing with families and He is being glorified.

And as I see the things that God has been doing while I have been sinking in the waves, I realize again why it is so good that He does the real work of this ministry. I am so glad that it does not depend on me. If it did, this ministry would have sank right along with me. But it did not. God has continued to build this work while I have been fighting to keep my head above water.

I am reminded that God does not change or shift with circumstances or my fickle nature. He is faithful. I am also freshly aware that this ministry does not revolve around me and is not about me at all. It is all about Him and the story He is telling to the world.

At present, things are looking up. God is restoring unity where there was once division. We are in a groove regarding our home and schedule, and life is getting easier as the work days are getting shorter once again. And, while the pain of losing Esperanza is still deep, we are all able to at least breathe again and laugh more. And at times like this it is tempting to say that we have turned a corner. To think that from this point things are going to get better. I hope so, but I really don’t know that. Satan is still real and active and he hates our entire team and wants us divided. Another great loss and deep grief could be just around the corner. The loss of personnel could throw us into longer days and weeks again. I don’t know what the next minute holds, much less tomorrow.

But hopefully I have learned my lesson. I pray that the next time I face these valleys I will do so with my fruit intact. I would like to think I will, but I know me better than most. I will likely take my eyes off the Wave-Walker at some point and start sinking again. I am stupid like that. And so I place my hope in the One who is faithful in the face of my unfaithfulness. And that will have to be enough.

Greetings from Guatemala!

Daryl