Walk Humbly

I am a problem-solver and fixer. I have been since I was a child. My mother would often find me in the midst of taking apart some appliance or another in efforts to repair them (even when they weren’t broken). My dad assumed that I would follow in his shoes and become an engineer, but I chose a different path. I chose ministry. And while my days look very different from my father’s days, I have come to understand that my misguided goals were similar. To fix things…specifically lives.

So, when I came to Guatemala I had visions of fixing things. You can call it what you want, including the following clichés:

• Have an impact
• Make a difference
• Save lives
• Change hearts
• Yada, yada, yada

But after over 2 1/2 years in this country of incredible need I have come to the following conclusion…I can do none of the above (with the possible exception of the yada, yada, yada). Further, I have come to realize that the pursuit of these things will lead me only to discouragement and burnout and cause me to fail at the only thing that I can do. (More about that later.)

Let me tell you about last week, and maybe you will understand a little better. Quite frankly it was a week in which everything for which we have been working seemed to fall apart.

I will begin with a young man named Diego. He is 12 years old and we found him in San Pablo La Laguna about six weeks ago. His mother begged for our help because he had unexplained bruises all over his body. When I asked her some diagnostic questions I found out that his energy level was very low, and when he gets cut or scraped it takes a long time for him to stop bleeding. I was immediately concerned, so we made arrangements for him to see a doctor and get blood work done. When we returned at the beginning of July, we found that his test results showed some serious concerns and the doctor had referred him to the national hospital in Guatemala City. They wanted him to see an oncologist because they believe he has leukemia. So, we paid for their transportation via chicken bus to the city and arranged for our Tzutujil translator, Michel, to accompany them.

Last week Michel took them to the city. We received a call from him the next day telling us that when Diego was examined they decided to admit him to the hospital immediately. Michel left for a moment to take care of paperwork and returned to discover that Diego and his father had gotten scared and had run away. He spent most of that day looking for them and finally gave up and returned to San Pablo late that evening. We are still trying to track Diego and his father down.

That same day we heard from the mother of Alex, one of our sponsored children in Santa Catarina. She told me that he had stopped walking and was sick with a fever. I headed up to their house and examined Alex and realized that he was not walking because he was in pain. He also had swollen glands and difficulty swallowing. We arranged for him to see the doctor who works with our ministry and he immediately ordered blood, urine and feces tests. He also ordered pelvis and knee X-rays. As suspected, the results showed a urinary tract infection. What was unexpected was what the X-rays showed. Both hip sockets are broken. No wonder the little guy doesn’t want to walk.

We will be taking Alex to a specialist this week and I expect that he will want to do surgery. The recovery from this will be long and difficult for both Alex and his family.

On the same day that we received Alex’s test results, we also received a call from Jorge’s mom. He lives in Nueva Concepción and is 15 years old. You may remember that he has suffered from pressure sores on both his buttocks and right heel. Last year he had to have a Syames amputation of his heel because the pressure sore had penetrated to the bone and destroyed it. His mother called and told me that he had another pressure sore on the same foot.

On receiving this news, I wanted to just scream. I had explained to this family on numerous occasions that it was very important for them to watch both his feet and his buttocks for beginnings of sores. But when I visited him yesterday I found that he had sores and deterioration that had to have been in the works at least two months. Yet they had done nothing to prevent their worsening or treat them. I checked his buttocks and found that this sore had worsened considerably as well. And when I confronted Jorge about why he had not alerted his family regarding the sores he actually smiled and told me, “I don’t care.” (This was followed by a firm scolding on my part in which I explained that he was no longer a child, but a young man. I also told him that if he continued not to care he would likely lose more of his foot, or even his life.)

In the midst of all this, we have had a wonderful family staying with us and working with our ministry. Jason and Lori Yelton are here with two of their children, Dillon and Jessica. On Friday we were heading out of town and I was telling them about all of these set-back we have been facing. I made the mistake of saying, “When it rains, it pours!” About five seconds after I uttered those words, my 4-Runner made an odd sound and I lost my 4-wheel drive. So, my much-abused vehicle is once again in the hands of our mechanic.

Sometimes I can be pretty thick and miss the lessons that are right in front of me. But over the weekend it finally began to dawn on me that God is trying to teach me something through all of this. It took me another day before I finally figured out WHAT He was trying to teach me.

What was the great lesson? Answer: I CAN’T FIX ANYTHING.

As I look back over the last nine days of my life, my powerlessness is very evident. I cannot control any of these situations:

• I cannot prevent Diego and his father from running away. And if we find them and take them back to the hospital I cannot prevent them from running again. And I certainly can’t take away Diego’s leukemia.
• I cannot heal Alex’s pelvis or prevent his coming surgery. And I cannot assure that the surgery will be a success.
• I cannot make Jorge care enough about his health to monitor his bedsores. I cannot make his family do a better job of watching for problems. These are their choices, and I cannot control them.
• I cannot keep my 4-Runner from breaking down. I can’t even have a say in when or where the breakdowns occur.
• In my last blog I wrote about the inner turmoil I often feel when asking, “Which ones can we save/should we save?” But the reality is that we cannot save any of them. We can intervene with medical care, but that does not mean that they will live. Likewise, we can choose not to intervene, but God may spare and heal. I have often thought I was playing God when deciding who to save, but I really play God when I am arrogant enough to think I can save anyone.

So, in light of my complete powerlessness to save and fix, why am I here? God is slowly penetrating my thickness to reveal that simple answer. I am here to “act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God." (Micah 6:8)

I cannot control or change any of these situations, but fortunately that is not my role. That is God’s job. My task is to love God and love others recklessly with the humble awareness of my powerlessness next to God’s great power.

I don’t need to get hung up on or burdened down by the needs that surround me. When I do, I will be ineffective at loving both God and man. I will lose the joy of the Lord, which is my strength, and that is what each of these families need to see and experience more than anything else.

My life and this ministry is not about fixing anything or anyone. It is about leading people to the One who can either fix things for them, or walk with them through their brokenness. That is the greatest need of the families with which we work. It is also my greatest need, to humbly walk with Him in my own brokenness and to know that it enough.

Blessings from a former fixer!

Daryl