What Is Failure?

Last night I received a call telling me that one of our sponsored children, Darolin, had passed away. If you follow this blog, you know that we found her back in April up in Guastatoya suffering from cerebral palsy and severe malnutrition. I spent time educating the family about her condition as they had no idea why she was disabled or what to do for her. She struggled with chewing and swallowing and weighed only 27 pounds as a result.

My first desire was to get her checked into Hermano Pedro’s malnutrition ward and allow them to fatten her up. They do a fantastic job or bringing kids back from severe malnutrition. Then we could return her to their home with nutritional support. But when we spoke to the family they adamantly refused to let her go. They loved Darolin deeply and could not imagine letting her leave their home and go three hours away for months. In a situation like this, I always go back and forth in my opinion. On one hand, I know that HP could help her gain weight and get healthier. On the other hand, do I really want to pull her out of a loving family and place her in an institution for six months to a year?

So, it was decided that we would provide formula for her and track her weight. We found a generous sponsor who provided the funds we needed to do so, and the monthly deliveries began. We started with store-bought formula, but were dissatisfied with the results. So, we consulted with numerous ministries that work with malnourished children and discovered a formula that we could mix ourselves. Three months ago, we made that switch and began to see improvement. Darolin gained over two pounds in the last two months, which is nothing short of miraculous in a situation like this of such severe malnutrition. She was looking better and happier and I was beginning to feel good about her chances.

Then she came down with an infection a few days ago. In spite of a doctor’s intervention and antibiotics she was just too weak to fight it off. She passed away at 2:00 pm yesterday.

When I received the call I was devastated. Immediately I heard the enemy’s whispers:

“You failed! And she is dead as a result.”

“You should have done more. If you would have pressed you could have talked her parents into letting her go into Hermano Pedro.”

“You couldn’t even save one little girl who was right in front of you.”

“You aren’t making a difference.”

I confess that I nearly gave in to the despair. But as I sat thinking these thoughts, the passage of scripture that I shared in my last blog came to mind:

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” 

- Matthew 25:35-36                  

And that was when God took me to the woodshed as I heard Him speak. He told me that over the last eight months as we ministered to her we were ministering to Him. We had eased His hunger pains at the same time that we had eased hers. We had treated His rash as we had treated hers. We had eased His burden as we had eased the burden of Darolin’s mother and grandmother. And then, I heard His firm but loving voice ask…

“And you consider these things done for me a waste and a failure?” Stop making this about you, Daryl, and make it about me.”

I was reminded that we are not here because of the results we hope to produce. We do not judge success based upon whether a child lives or dies or gains weight. We are are here to love Jesus and love people. At times, lives will be saved. Other times, we will just make someone more comfortable while they die and help them to know that they are not alone as they do. And then we will love and mourn with their family. In light of Jesus’ words, that is not a failure.

I grieve deeply that we have lost Darolin. I loved this little girl and I ache that she is gone. But I feel so privileged that God allowed us to be part of her life during her final months. This morning I take comfort in knowing that she is in the arms of Jesus and now is free from cerebral palsy and malnutrition. Yesterday at 2:00 pm, for the first time, Darolin ran. And she ran into the arms of Jesus. And the next time I see her, she will run to me.

The Word of God tells us that “the last shall be first and the first shall be last.” I know that relates to positions of honor and service once we get to heaven, but I also imagine it means something else. Working with disabled children who cannot walk or struggle to keep up due to crutches, braces and wheelchairs, I would also like to think that in heaven they will be extra fast. And this morning I am picturing Darolin outrunning everyone while her Jesus laughs.

Daryl (Wanda and the Crew)