Two visits ago I realized that she was declining, so I shared the gospel with her through Gerardo. She assured us that she knew Jesus personally and looked forward to seeing him. I told her that soon her suffering would be over and she would never be sick again. I remember her smile upon hearing those words.
Last month when I saw her she had deteriorated badly. She had an intestinal blockage and had a severely swollen abdomen. Her family asked if we could help them pay for surgery. As hard as it was to tell them no, I had to. Such a surgery would have cost $3,000-5,000. In a pinch, we could have raised the funds, but in a country with no health insurance and no medical safety net, we have to prioritize our resources. She was very elderly and weak, and even if we could have provided surgery that would have saved her from this crisis, she would have died soon. We have to use the little money we have wisely and in such a way to make the most impact. So, when I said goodbye I realized that it would likely be the last time I saw her.
Even as I read over what I just typed, I realize how horrible it sounds. It makes is seem as if I don’t value the elderly. Nothing could be further from the truth. Pilar was my friend. She was sweet, kind, and had a beautiful smile and incredible stories to tell. I will miss her greatly. I have spent much time questioning my decision to say no, and after this news I will likely lose some sleep tonight and in the coming days questioning it more.
For now, I take comfort in knowing that, whether my decision was right or wrong, Pilar is with her Jesus in a place where there is no malnutrition and illness. I am confident that she is dancing with Him tonight. And I bet it isn’t just slow dancing, either.
We were scheduled to head back to Las Palmas to visit with her and several others tomorrow. We will be taking flowers and grieving with her family. Please pray for all those who loved her deeply.
Daryl
