God-Sized

There have been a few times in my life at which I have found myself completely overwhelmed by my desperate need for God. Each of these moments have been triggered when I have found myself facing a situation that is way too big for me to handle. Last night, I found myself facing a God-sized task and it led me to literally fall on my knees and cry out to God in desperation.

I have come to the realization that most of what we have been doing has been Daryl-sized. Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to say that God hasn’t been the Provider and Door-opener for our current ministry, because He has. But the reality is that, so far, I have only been willing to take steps in ministry that will not lead to devastation if God fails to move on our behalf. We have assisted a child or two at a time and I have sought support for each of them as they have come along. But now I find myself facing a large number of needs and there is no way that we can meet them. And last night God asked me a simple question… “Do you trust me?”

I am getting ahead of myself. Let me give you a brief overview of the last week. That should give you a better understanding of this current crisis/opportunity of faith. So much has happened that I can’t give you the whole story, but let me touch the highlights.

Last Wednesday I awoke early and headed out for a day of ministry in our 4-wheel drive. I took my ministry partner, Gerardo, along with my daughter, Krishauna, and both Bob Ecklebargers (grandfather and grandson). We were heading to El Progresso, but first made a stop to deliver a wheelchair to Rosa in Antigua. This beautiful young lady needed a new chair badly and was so grateful when we delivered it and made final adjustments. She hugged us tightly and would not let go.

From there, we headed northwest to El Progresso where we stopped first at Olga’s home. Two blog entries ago I shared with you that she had passed away suddenly, so we stopped to offer our love and support to their family. We were met by two grieving daughters and had a nice visit with them. While we were there, one of their relatives stopped in and asked us about our ministry. It seems he has worked with another organization and has contacts with a lot of families with special needs children. He asked for our cards and told us he would call us soon. (More on this later.)

After that, we headed to the home of Carmen who has two daughters who have severe cognitive delays and epilepsy. This is one of the most destitute families that we serve. They live in a tiny steel shack and wear old discarded clothing. At times, they scavenge in the garbage to find food. We delivered Kids Against Hunger food packets and money for anti-seizure medicine to them. As we visited with Carmen I noticed that she had lost weight and was looking much frailer than three weeks previously. We asked her how she was doing and she said that she has been sick. She went to the national hospital, but they did nothing for her. (As Dick Rutgers says, the national hospital is the place you go to die. If you aren’t dying when you go in, you will be when you come out.)

The gravity of this situation is severe. If something happens to Carmen I don’t know what will happen to her two daughters, Manuela and Marsela. We immediately arranged to pay for her to go to a local private clinic and purchase her medication. Please pray for healing for Carmen.

Another need that we have recently encountered is a young man by the name of Joel. He is 32 years old and was shot in the head six years ago by a store guard while committing a robbery. He did not come to us for help, but I met him in the street and asked about his needs. He was honest about his past and confessed that it had happened because of his sin. He has since come to faith in Jesus. He was ashamed as he shared his story, but lit up when I told him that Jesus forgives and so do we.

Joel needs a new wheelchair, but that was not his biggest challenge. He lives with his two elderly parents in their home in San Antonio and it is not handicapped accessible. There is a step leading down to his bedroom and another leading up to the toilet. The layout and size of the room was such that ramps would not work. He is mostly paralyzed on one side and can only negotiate slight inclines. As a result, his parents were never able to leave him along. I made the decision to purchase the necessary gravel, dirt, and concrete to put their entire home on one level. The total cost…$163.00. Their family and friends pitched in to do the work and did a fantastic job. Gerardo got quotes, ordered materials, and made sure that things progressed smoothly. Joel is thrilled and the family is so thankful. We will also be installing hand rails around the toilet to assist him.

At the same time, Gerardo found a young man named David in Santa Catarina. He is 16 and has Cerebral Palsy and microcephalus. He lives with his single mother who is struggling to care for him. He is in need of medication each month along with some wheelchair repairs. (He is still waiting for a visit from me and my tools to make those repairs.)

On the same day, we received a call from a gentleman named Flavio who is the president of a local association for children, teens and adults with special needs. He wanted to know if he could meet with me, so I arranged for him to come on Sunday afternoon. When he arrived, he brought with him five other people who were a part of the group. We visited for about an hour as they shared that they used to received support from a wealthy Canadian who had stopped sending money recently because of some financial hardships. They were hoping that we could help with a Christmas party they are having and with the needs of the group.

At one point I asked Flavio how many people with special needs they worked with. His answer was…wait for it…48. Suddenly 48 families who had been receiving help to care for their needs were cut off. He wanted to know if there was anything our ministry could do to help. Just to give you a point of reference, we currently work with 36 children, teens and adults, so this would more than double our load. We do not have the man-power or the resources to even begin such an endeavor. (Remember, I started all this by talking about the difference between God-sized and Daryl-sized. There is a BIG difference, and He is beginning to show me just how big that difference is.

But wait, there’s more. Last night Gerardo showed up at out home and told me that the gentleman from El Progresso (mentioned earlier) had called. He has eight children with special needs that are desperately in need of help and are awaiting our visit for evaluation. At that point, I went upstairs and found a quiet spot and fell on my knees. Never have I been more aware of how inadequate I am. (Please note: Often people write or express these kinds of thoughts because they are seeking to have their egos stroked. They want words of argument to tell them that they ARE adequate. That is not the case for me. God is God. Two plus two equals four. Gravity holds us on the earth. And I AM INADEQUATE.) I must learn to trust God to do the miraculous to overcome my inadequacy.

Please understand, I am not saying that we are supposed to meet all these needs. I simply do not know. As in every situation, we have to listen to God’s voice and follow His instructions. But I do know that God is calling us to do more than we have been doing. He is asking us to believe more, trust more and attempt more in His power. He is asking us to lay aside the tiny Daryl-sized ministry and embrace a ministry that is God-sized.

Today Gerardo, Taryn and I went to Antigua to purchase the food for our monthly distribution. For the first time we have reached the point that our purchases are all being made in 50 or 100 pound quantities. We have come a long way in the last six months. But today I found myself wondering if we would be making those purchases by the truckload a year from now.

I am not asking for sponsorship in this blog. Usually when we find a need that is my response. These needs are way too big for that. Instead, I am asking you to please pray and fast on behalf of this ministry. Our work will only be God-sized when He moves in miraculous ways to make it happen. Pray for God’s wisdom, strength and provision. Pray that He will raise up workers, because we need more. And pray that He will keep me constantly aware of how inadequate I truly am.

Because of Him!

Daryl