Hard Lessons for a Dumb Guy

Next week we will surpass our nine month milestone living in Guatemala. Since the last week has been slower with only the mundane to report, I thought I would take a few minutes to share with you some of the hard lessons I have learned. Actually, I should amend that to the hard lessons God is still trying to teach me. I am a slow learner who is very thankful for a patient and merciful Teacher.

Lesson 1: This is way tougher than I thought it would be.

I never thought this would be a cake-walk, but the demands of this life and ministry are huge. The toll this takes is both physical and emotional. The physical demands of long days, hot visits in tin-roofed houses, and long drives over very rough roads gradually accumulates and leaves you crashing. I don’t think I have ever known the kind of tiredness I experience at bedtime each night.

But the emotional toll is even greater. Each day we are faced with overwhelming needs, and we can only meet a small portion of them. While we have some success stories of lives that God has used us to impact, the stories that tend to stick in my mind are the ones of people we have not been able to help. It is so easy to look back over the course of my day and second-guess every decision. Did I do the right thing? Did I do it God’s way? Should we have done more? Those unanswered questions take the highest toll.

Lesson 2: I don’t know near as much as I thought I did.

I like to be right, and I like to prove that I am right. God has been showing me that pride, manifesting itself in this way, is one of my greatest sins and battles. I have failed to learn so much that I could have. I have damaged relationships. I have lost credibility. And all of that is due to my pride and insistence on being right. As God has shown me this ugliness in my heart, I am also having my eyes opened to how little I know. This applies to all areas of my life, but it has especially applied to my theology.

In the safety and sterility of the western church, it was easy to think I had all the answers. I learned about grace, forgiveness, justice and judgment from Sunday School age and up. From there, I went to college and learned more answers. Over the last nine months God has showed me how insufficient those answers are. Don’t misunderstand me, the unshakeable, unbreakables are still in place. God is still God and His Word is the inspired Word of God. But my understanding of the depth of His plan and truth for the world has grown in ways I never dreamed. It is one thing to sit in a middle-class home and talk about God’s provision, and it is entirely different to have that conversation in an 8”x8” bamboo shack where a single mom is raising her two special needs daughters. And if you want to learn about forgiveness, try having a conversation with a young lady who was impregnated by her father at age 11. Each day I learn a little more about how little I know and how much I have to learn. And along with those lessons I am finding the freedom to simply be wrong.

Lesson 3: I am not a savior.

It is easy to believe the hype. Once you enter a town or village and help one family the word spreads. The next time you enter that place people see your vehicle and gather outside the home in which you are visiting. When you exit, the crowd is waiting to give you their problems and illnesses. You feel important, special and needed. You are a savior!

But, speaking for myself, I am not. As I have already stated above, I am just an ordinary guy who knows way less now than I did nine months ago. I have limited resources and even more limited knowledge and skills. All too often, the only thing I can do is pray with them and refer them to the nearest doctor, perhaps giving them money for the bus and appointment. I am finding that we can only help 1 out of every 8 or 10 people in an effective way. We just don’t have the money or the skills to do more. This can be discouraging because the ones you can’t help are the ones that stick out in your mind. As my friend, Pat Duff, often reminds me, “There is only one Savior and they crucified Him!”

Lesson 4: God is way bigger than I ever imagined.

In the midst of all this exhausting and (sometimes) discouraging work, I am learning more about the faithfulness and awesomeness of my Father. He is showing me more and more about the depths of His love, the limitlessness of His provision, and the availability of His power for those who realize they need it. So, as I learn more of the first three lessons, I find that God is able to use me more effectively than before.

Not only that, but I have found a peace in knowing that I am not judged by the number of people I help or fail to help. Nor does He measure my life by how much I know or don’t know. His only concern is that I do everything with Him and for Him while depending on Him. If I can lay down each evening having done that, I have succeeded. I am truly learning that His arms are more than big enough to hold me, those for whom I care, and all my failures too. That is a growing peace that I have never quite grasped before.

Lesson 5: My family is still my most important ministry.

As I learn more of how big God is, I am starting to realize that I am not as important as I once thought I was. Actually, I am not important at all to God’s plan. The reality is that He will accomplish His purposes with or without me. He just chooses to bless me by allowing me to be a part of it all.

My first few months here I neglected my family and exhausted myself. On several occasions I was sick and should have stayed home and in bed, but insisted that someone needed me and left. I had bought the lie that I was somehow crucial and indispensible. But I am not. While God has called me to this place and ministry, I am not crucial to it. There were faithful servants of God doing similar work before I came and there will be others doing it after I am long dead.

But there is one place where I do play a crucial role…in my family. No one else can be a husband to my Wanda, and no one else can be a father to my kids. I dare not take off in a 4-wheel drive to “save the world” while abandoning them. My ministry and calling to Guatemala is important, but my ministry and calling within my family is paramount. God, help me to be the husband and father to them that you are.

Lesson 5: This is our home and our life.

As I sit here in Guatemala, there are some things that I miss about the States. I miss family and friends greatly. I wish there was some way to ship them all here. I also miss biscuits, real American sausage, Dr. Pepper, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Monday Night Football broadcast in English, and American beer commercials. (Sorry but, come on, they are hysterical!) But otherwise, I don’t miss much about the US and have no desire to go back. Don’t get me wrong, I am not America bashing. In fact, as I have lived abroad I have grown to appreciate the States more than ever. (Even its political process!) But it is no longer our home.

I love these people. I love our neighborhood and neighbors. I love the Mayan people with their traditional dress and deep heritage and customs. I love walking up the street to buy fresh vegetables and spending 30 minutes in the hardware store buying three items. More than that, I love the ministry to which God has called my family and me. I love the children and families with whom we work. I love the visits with them in hot, tin-roofed shacks. I love this life.

And I love the lessons I am learning, albeit very slowly. And I love God who is so patiently teaching me. This is our home, and this is God’s classroom for me.

Greetings and love from Guatemala!

Daryl, Wanda and the Crew