This sin goes back to the almost seven years that I spent as pastor of Crosspoint Church here in Troy, OH. Our body of believers was made up primarily of low and low-middle income families, and offerings were almost always low. As a result, we regularly struggled to pay our bills. My strong insistence was that we always pay the bills outside the church before paying the internal bills, so I regularly received only a portion of my salary. Yet we always managed to squeak by as a congregation.
As the pastor, I served as the Chairman of the Elder Board and was the spiritual and visionary leader of the church. More than any other person I influenced our budget and its priorities. And, as the only salaried employee of the congregation, I was the one who was best positioned to encourage the church to steps of faith regarding our spending. Yet during my seven years as pastor we never once tithed to missions. (I feel dirty and ashamed having written those words and want to quickly delete this blog and start over with another topic.) I am not saying that we never supported missions, because we did. But the percentage of our budget devoted to reaching the world beyond our community was always very puny and never exceeded 3%.
The discussions regarded missions usually consisted of talk about “fiscal responsibility.” After all, if we are struggling to pay our rent and other bills it would be foolish to increase our budget for missions. Right? So, missions always received our leftovers, and there were very few leftovers to give.
I literally wince when I look back and think of how we managed to buy sound and video equipment, more chairs, poinsettias at Christmas, and other “essential supplies and equipment for ministry” while neglecting the most important use of our money. If only I had the opportunity to do it again, I would certainly do things much differently.
What makes this especially shameful is that I was living a double life. Wanda and I have been married for 22 years this month and we have always been faithful in our personal giving. Even through the very lean years, such as the one we are now encountering, we have not only tithed to our church, but have given as the Lord directed to support missionaries and meet needs in our community and around the world. And through those 22 years we have seen the miraculous hand of God provide for every need. Every bill has been paid and been paid on time. Sometimes the provision has come at the very last minute, but it has always come from the hand of our loving Father.
Now my role is to challenge the church to look beyond themselves, see a dying world, and do something about it. I have a passionate message that burns in my heart that comes straight from the Word of God and calls the American church to sacrificial living and giving. But recently Jesus has turned that message around and delivered it back to me. And, as a result, it has broken me and changed me.
If I could spend those years at Crosspoint again, they would look much different. The first item we addressed in our budget would be missions as we sought the Lord for His heart for the world. Instead of getting the leftovers, we would give Him first dibs on our money. Then, from what remained, we would devise the rest of our budget. I am confident that, instead of struggling to pay our bills, God would have multiplied what remained and we would have spent it much better than we did.
But I can’t change the past. So I find myself grateful for the grace and mercy of God which is new every morning. I thank Him for this ongoing “woodshed” experience and the changes it is bringing about in me. And I thank Him that the future is still unwritten and I have a chance to give Him my first and best, both today and the days ahead.
