I once again find myself in Guatemala among the children I love. I am here leading a team of 11 other people and helping them develop a passion for some of the things that are so important to God. And I absolutely love it. Once again I am blessed with a group of people who love Jesus and who have walked right in, rolled up their sleeves, and started loving children. It is a wonderful thing to watch.
At the same time, this current trip has left me with an internal battle like never before. It was nearly a year ago that we recognized God’s call to move to Guatemala and begin a group home for children with special needs, and it has been an intense and busy year. We have placed our home on the market, sold most of our possessions, spent time fundraising, planning, and praying. And now we still find ourselves waiting to sell our home. As a result, we are still waiting to move.
And, with my return to Guatemala, I find myself asking God a simple question. “How long, Lord? How long until we can finally move and begin this calling?” I think this question has become especially strong this time because I am here without any of my family. Over the last few trips I have been able to bring Wanda with me. And the last trip I had the privilege of being here with Wanda, Brittney, and Krishauna. This time, I am here without any of the family that shares my passion for these little ones. In addition, seven of our ten children have never been here, even though they already have learned to love the children through our photos, videos, and stories. And that is hard.
We have always been a family that has embraced ministry and calling together, and that is true for our call to Guatemala. But at the present, ministering in Guatemala is only done by a few of us. I can’t tell you how badly I long to be here in this country as a family caring for these kids. And that desperate longing has led me to that haunting question. “How much longer, Lord?”
Now, before you begin to preach to me, I know what you are going to say. But you don’t need to say it. I know that God is good, and I know that He is trustworthy. I know that His timing is perfect and that He will fulfill this calling in us at just the right time. I know that He will do it in the way and time that is best for us. I know all these things…in my head.
But my head is not the only part of me. I also have a heart with a very big mouth! And it will not shut up since our plane touched down in this wonderful and horrible country. It is demanding its own way and insisting that the best timing is right now. (Actually, it is saying six months ago, but since that didn’t happen it will take the next best thing…NOW!) I have repeatedly told it to shut up and have preached the above mentioned sermon to it. But that big mouth keeps shouting me down.
So, one more time before lying down to sleep I will allow my head to preach to my heart:
God IS good
He IS trustworthy
His timing IS perfect
He WILL fulfill this calling in us
And He WILL do it in the way and time that is best for us
Now, close your big flapping gums, heart! I’m going to sleep!
